Any Excuse, Uninformed Consent and False Eyelashes

The patient didn't want to go home, so the excuse he used to try to stay was that he didn't go #2 today. He went yesterday and from what I hear, it was a good one. He should have been proud, but instead he seemed to think that not going #2 today was reason enough to spend another night in the hospital. Of course, that excuse didn't work so he's home now. He can be constipated at home as well as in the hospital.

Another patient needed a signed informed consent for surgery. Since the surgery was scheduled in a couple of hours, I called the surgeon to remind him. He said to prepare one and have the patient sign it. The only problem was that the surgeon had never seen the patient before, much less discussed the risks and benefits of surgery. The doctors do know better than that, but certain ones will try to get a signed uniformed consent.

Because he said that he would come up later to see the patient, I didn't say anything. I prepared the form, but did not get signatures. When the doctor arrived, I handed him the unsigned form and said sweetly, here is the consent form for you to get the patient's signature. He got the message and took the form. At least he didn't curse, like some of the others.

We also have a patient who is unusually attractive and youthful looking for being in her 90's. Before she had to leave for surgery, I overheard a student nurse tell her to take off her false eyelashes. I didn't hear her response, but I heard him say, "You are wearing false eyelashes aren't you? Then you need to take them off."I was amazed by that because the rest of us just thought that she had heavy eye makeup on. He knew the eyelashes were false and the female nurses didn't. Then he added that she needed to take off her wig, remove her contacts and remove her dentures. By the time he was done with her, she went from being glamorous to looking like everyone else. At least she got to keep the face lift.