Passes Nurse Swallow
A doctor ordered a diet for a patient if she "passes nurse swallow." I'm pretty sure I know what he meant. He didn't want us to feed the patient unless we first made sure that she could swallow without choking. Such an odd phrasing, though. It sounds kind of dirty.
I found a patient asleep with a morphine pump cord jammed in his ear. When he woke up, I asked him about that and he was a little embarrassed. He explained that he thought it was a telephone. I didn't pursue the line of questioning, but I'm wondering why on earth he wanted a phone cord stuck in his ear?
Tonight I catheterized the second largest penis I've ever handled. I try not to notice such things, but really, how can one not? When I returned to remove the tube, there was almost no urine in the bag. Investigating, I found that the tube had slipped out of place and the patient now had a gigantic erection. Should I be flattered?
Written by Melissa on 12:22 AM
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Melissa blogging from sunny Santa Clarita, Southern California, United States.
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6 Comments:
LOL, i am so busy laughing i can't think of a thing to say.....wtf with the phone cord..LOL!
Are you certain you're not in a psych ward??
I bet it hurts more to have the catheter placed with an erection:O
Michelle, it's not a psyche ward, and most of the patients were fine until we and the morphine got a hold of them.
HP, I'll consider myself to be flattered.
Sarah, judging from his reaction, I would say that it hurts so good.
Lisa, *giggle* I don't wish to perpetuate racial stereotypes, but there is some truth to the jokes, and I'm not talking about walruses.
Lololololol :-D
Do you have a lot of morphine induced psychosis? I understand there are more sode effects with diluadid but then again we use it less often because of the more frequent dosing schedule.
When I was in the hospital and I was getting too much morphine, I was still alert enough to put myself on oxygen and adjust my dose. Maybe pharamacy school...
Patients go looney from morphine all the time. Switching to dilaudid or demeral instead doesn't help. If one narcotic makes a patient nuts, they all will.
I've never had a patient put themselves on oxygen and adjust the dose. You're one in a million.
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