Stinky Phone

Tonight, two of my patients had severe diarrhrea. One of those patients lacked spincter control, resulting in some unbelievable messes to be cleaned up. I understand how it got all over the bed, the patient, the floor and the bedside commode. What I don't understand is how the phone got soaked. And, exactly how does one get diarrhea off a phone?

Another patient insisted on being topless even though the room was filled with visitors. Every attempt to cover her up was met with the declaration, " I have to get my blouse off."

Another patient complained that a heavyset nurse from the previous shift had laid on top of her to reach something, rather walk around to the other side of the bed. She griped that her "boobs still hurt from that nurse lying on top of me."

All in all, it was a typical night.