Gas

The nurse from the previous shift was livid. Three times she had put the patient on a bed pan and each time the patient had passed gas. The nurse finally snapped and said, "If you're going to pass gas, could you at least warn me first?"

I burst out laughing which got the nurse even more upset. She began defending herself and saying how she had to put her face near the patient's buttocks when she rolled her onto the pan and she didn't like breathing in the toxic fumes. I didn't say a word. I just kept laughing.

When it was my turn to put the patient on a bedpan, she passed gas for me too. She couldn't help it. Old people often pass gas when you try and move them. It's just one of those things. There is no point in getting upset about it. Fortunately, I have long arms and so am able to maintain a safe distance. When it happens, I just ignore it.

At least the patient was confused and hopefully didn't remember the nasty nurse chastising her for passing gas. The patient did chastise me, however. She said to me,'"Everytime you pee, you flush the toilet." She said that water is expensive and it is waste to flush just for pee.

Although it is true that I always flush the toilet, how would she know that? I didn't have time to pee that evening. But then, she also told me that my party was keeping her up and she wanted me to knock it off. I didn't have the heart to tell her that if I didn't have time to pee, I also didn't have time to party. Old age isn't pretty.

At the end of the shift, another nurse overheard me giving report to the oncoming nurse. I mentioned that one of the patient was belching every few seconds. The nurse corrected me and said that she wasn't belching, she was burping. I asked what the difference was. She replied that burping comes from the mouth and belching comes from the butt. You learn something new everyday.