Duct Tape Lingerie

If I had known that I was allergic to duct tape, I never would have stuck it to my boobs. The dress I was going to wear was backless and held up my two tiny straps. I didn't have a bra that would work, so I improvised with duct tape and falsies. It worked just fine until it was time to remove the tape. Ouch. Tiny, red itchy bumps everywhere.

Getting ready for the dinner concert took most of the day. I had to darken my roots and lighten my teeth. My hair needed to be curled. The dress was difficult and time consuming to iron. I decided to change the location of the straps to keep them from cutting into the back of my neck. The crinoline needed to be removed so that it would be less fairy princess like.

It didn't occur to me that removing the crinoline would cause the dress to be longer. I tripped on the dress all evening. I also kept stepping out of my shoes. Trying on shoes while wearing heavy sweat socks is never a good idea. I knew that and did it anyway because I didn't feel like removing my socks in the store. Now I understand dress rehearsals. Costume malfunctions can be a problem for anyone.

It is always interesting to me to see what other women wear to formal functions. Most of the women predictably wore elegant black. Usually I wear black too, but I just felt like wearing a real color for a change. Red seemed right for January. I was relieved to see that some others wore bright colors as well. Possibly being the only one in a big red gown had me a bit worried. I had a back-up dress in the car just in case I was over-dressed, but I didn't need it.

I was surprised by some of the dresses. Skin-tight, stretchy, skin-baring dresses look great on the actresses who walk the red carpet, but on pudgy middle-aged lawyers, the effect wasn't quite the same. Sorry if that sounds catty. It's just that I don't understand why people choose to flaunt their figure problems when they could just as easily camouflage them with the right dress and the correct foundation garments, such as duct tape.