Who's The Pervert, Now?

A couple of days ago, I mentioned a mentally challenged patient who was concerned that I might be a sexual pervert when I needed to catheterize him. Well, today he walked out of his room with his gown balled up in his hands so that he was exposed from the waist down. I was thinking, "Who's the pervert, now?" I walked over to him and yanked on the gown to try and cover him up. It was wet.....with urine. He said that he was holding it so that it wouldn't drip on him. He had had a little accident. I just love getting pee on my bare hands.
I was given a form to fill out today and the first question asked, "Can you read?"The choices were yes and no. This was not somebody trying to be funny. They were serious, which just makes me laugh that much harder.
At the beginning of the shift, I handed out the narcotic keys and gave the lizard to the float nurse. She was so upset that she started to remove the lizard from the key ring. To try and appease her, I offered her the dolphin and she didn't want that either. Reluctantly, she finally agreed to take the seahorse. People can be so strange. Everyone knows that the dolphin is the best one.

We have a new young patient who decided that it would be a good idea to jump off of his motorcycle while traveling at 60 miles per hour. He was practicing a stunt. Now he's going to be practicing walking with a walker. Testosterone does strange things to a young man's brain.