Projectiles

The patient was wearing a diaper, but whenever he felt the need, he would pull down the diaper and while lying flat on his back, urinate. Of course the bed would get soaked and everything within a couple of feet of the bed would get splashed. We couldn't get him to stop it, so we just had to keep cleaning him up. We called it projectile pee.

As annoying as that was, it was much better than the patient the night before who kept spewing projectile black vomit. It wasn't his fault. He had an upper GI bleed and every container we gave him to puke in failed to contain the volcanic-like eruptions. In case you're curious, vomit travels at a much higher velocity than pee and spews further. Even the curtains weren't safe.

Last night, my self-described easy going patient, projected wrath. Still unhappy about the dressing on her leg, she complained that it was "inhumane" to expect her to endure that dressing for another 7 days. She wanted it off and didn't care that every doctor who was called in refused to remove it for fear of being sued for malpractice. There was talk about getting someone to write a waiver for her to sign, but finally, after a full day of yelling negotiations, it was agreed to put a lighter dressing on.

Afterwards, she was able to wiggle two toes, which improved her mood. If I had known that what she needed to be happy was to be able to wiggle two toes, I would have cut them free myself. A shrink who was called in to evaluate her, described her as being attention seeking. That's a diplomatic way of putting it. I would have said that she was a bitch.

Given a choice between patients projecting bodily fluids or projecting wrath, I would choose bodily fluids any day. That's a major reason why I left law. Dealing with people's anger sucks the life out of me. What would you prefer to have projected at you, bodily fluids or wrath?