The Caretaker's Girlfriend

My father isn't doing well. He is on hospice, so our goal is just to keep him comfortable. My father survived being a fighter pilot and three wars only to slowly die from smoking. Emphysema is not pretty. It takes all of his energy just to breathe. He just lies in bed and needs to be turned, bathed, fed and have his diapers changed. Occasionally, he chokes, wheezes and coughs.

My father can't swallow because of his stroke, so we feed him through a tube in his stomach. The hospice nurse wants us to stop the feedings, including water. I am not comfortable with allowing my father to die of dehydration. The nurse said that his body would produce endorphins and he wouldn't suffer. I wonder how she knows that dying by dehydration is a good death. I've been thirsty and know how miserable it feels. I don't want to die from thirst and I won't allow that for my father.

Hospice provided us with morphine, so I have been sneaking it to my father. It is necessary to sneak it because my mother doesn't want him to have morphine. She is afraid it will kill him. I don't like seeing my father thrashing about, gasping for air and grimacing in agony. A little bit of morphine relaxes him and allows him to breathe easier. I'm a nurse and am comfortable with giving morphine to ease pain. My father isn't going to suffer because my mother has mistaken notions regarding pain control.

My father's former caregiver, the one who is in jail, did not take good care of my father. The day he landed in jail, we discovered that the tips of two of my father's toes were completely black. My father's toes must have been resting against the foot board. In addition, he has a black pressure ulcer on one of his heels. The caretaker was careless in keeping my father properly turned and positioned with pillows.

The caretaker's girlfriend dropped by to collect his belongings. Unfortunately, I wasn't there. My mother let her in. The girlfriend pulled a dresser away from the wall and a pile of beer bottles rolled out. The caretaker is a so-called recovering alcoholic and goes to AA meetings everyday. He also stole the beer that my father bought for me when I visit.

The girlfriend also went into my father's room and disconnected every cord connected to the computer. My mother watched and said nothing. It wasn't until she started to walk out of the house with the computer keyboard that my mother said anything. The girlfriend put it back and laughed it off as an honest mistake. Next, she started to walk away with my father's briefcase. It was the one he used for every court appearance when he was practicing law. It has priceless emotional value to me. Thank goodness my mother stopped her. Again, it was just an "honest mistake".

Now, there is a tangle of cords all over the floor and I have no idea how to connect them. I want to kill the caretaker's girlfriend. Of course I won't, but I want to. What kind of person walks into a room with a dying man inside and knowing that the wife has dementia, tries to steal a computer and briefcase?