61,200 Beeps

We don't usually continually monitor patient's oxygen saturation on my floor, but we made an exception for one patient. That damned machine beeped twice a second for 8.5 hours. If my math is correct, that's 61, 200 beeps.

Until we were able to get another patient's pain under control, he hooted like an owl 40 times per minute for 1.5 hours. That's 3,600 hoots, I think.

Another patient refused to take some medication this morning that had the side effect of severe diarrhea. He told day shift, "I don't want to be .....ing all over the place."For my shift he had a change of heart. I had the special honor of changing his diaper and sheets several times tonight. I don't know if he changed his mind because he likes me or hates me.

Another patient who felt like being naked said, "If there are any attractive men out there, send them in. If they're ugly, don't bother." She was not confused.

I was also surprised to hear a voice yell out "WHAT!!!" that sounded just like mine. I pride myself on my self-control and I lost it. Then I had to apologize to the poor doctor who didn't know that I had heard my name called out too many times. Can I blame it on the 61,200 beeps?