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Misadventurous Melissa

Everyday is an adventure, or misadventure as the case may be. It is the latter that makes for the best stories, inspiring the name of my blog. I'm a nurse and an attorney (and way too silly sometimes). I am retired now. WELCOME to my blog! This is a work of fiction inspired by true events. The patients I refer to are a patchwork quilt of various patient's problems mixed together. If you think you recognize someone, you are wrong. These people do not really exist.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Evil Thoughts

We had several screamers last night who would not shut up. It's kind of like having several babies; one wakes up and starts crying and suddenly they're all crying. They feed off of each other.

The following things were all screamed repeatedly all evening by various patients. In parentheses was what I wanted to say, but didn't:

Get those hyenas out of here!.............(We like the hyenas, so they're staying. Get used to it.)

You're killing me!............(No, we only want to.)

Mommmmmy!..............(You're 91, do you think that your mommy is still alive?)

Nuuuuuuurrrrrrrrse!...........(%&$# you!)

Waaaaaaater!..........(It's right next to you. Get it yourself. I'm not your personal servant.)

WAAAAAAAAAAAA!..........(Do that anymore and I'll give you something real to scream about.)

Written by Melissa on 11:44 AM


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9 Comments:

At 12/02/2005 02:16:00 PM, Blogger Running2Ks said...

I think you need some tea and a nice quiet night :)

 
At 12/02/2005 05:17:00 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

You showed considerable restraint. I would have had them all so sedated they'd be drooling and unable to speak:)

 
At 12/02/2005 10:26:00 PM, Blogger Tati said...

I definitely agree with Sarah!

 
At 12/03/2005 01:04:00 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

R2Ks, I need that but it's not an option. Maybe having this weekend off and liquor will help me.

Sarah and Karen, if only that were an option. Doctors can be so stingy with the narcs sometimes. You would think that they were paying for it themselves.

 
At 12/03/2005 09:16:00 PM, Blogger Running2Ks said...

Liquor is quicker :)

 
At 12/04/2005 04:17:00 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

I used to go through the chart, call every doc that had seen the patient, apologize and tell them I was unable to reach any other doc and the patient was moaning and writhing in pain from this or that, eventually someone would give me a phone order. Would that work for you?

 
At 12/04/2005 06:12:00 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

R2Ks, that's a good idea. I could just add it to their IV.

Sarah, working evenings, we're only allowed to call who is on call. There are no back-ups. I'm considering bringing a private stash from home to take care of the problem patients.(No, not really.)

 
At 12/05/2005 10:34:00 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

Well I have "heard" that some nurses save their waste narcs for just such occasions.

 
At 12/05/2005 11:00:00 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

Yeah, I've "heard" of that too.

 

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