We're So Sorry That We Were Caught

A few months ago, my employer got caught in an embarrassing scandal. What happened is that one of our sister hospitals hired a taxi to drop off a homeless person in downtown Los Angeles. She was disoriented and wearing nothing but a hospital gown, socks and name band. Someone in a nearby shelter noticed her wandering down the street and brought her in. The name band identified where she came from. The media was alerted and it became an ugly scandal with tons of bad publicity.

To make sure that never happens again, some new protocols were enacted. From now on, social workers, discharge planners and supervisors will all be involved in discharging homeless patients. Hopefully, they will be able to come up with better discharge plans, but just in case they don't, we have additional instructions. Homeless people must be discharged in real clothes, not a hospital gown. I suppose that someone walking down a public street wearing a backless gown is too conspicuous. We are encouraged to donate clothes as an "opportunity for public service."

Last but not least, we must cut off the name band before the homeless patient leaves. I'm guessing that is just in case we do dump another patient on the street, it won't be traced back to us. I can't think of another reason to remove the band, can you?