Dirty Bed And A Truffle

What a day to leave my camera at home. A coworker told me to go in one of the rooms and look at a bed that was ready for a new patient. The first thing I noticed was a pair of dirty socks hanging from the trapeze. That was enough to amuse me for the day, but there was more. The foot board was splashed with blood.

Housekeeping hadn't even made a good faith effort to clean the bed. The only thing they did was change the sheets, if that. Even if the housekeeper forgot to wipe down the bed, how could he fail to notice the dirty socks? No wonder infections are rampant.

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Some visitors wanted to know if I knew that there was a man on the floor. This was news to me, so I asked where. They pointed into one of the rooms, so I rushed over and sure enough, there was a man on the floor. Not only that, but he was naked and lying on his back.

Have you ever known a dog that has that "oh, there's manure, I must roll in it" instinct? This patient had that same odd instinct. He had pooped, rolled in it and just to be extra thorough, had rubbed it on his hands and arms. He looked like a truffle.

My coworkers were anxious to get him back in bed immediately, but I wanted to wash him first. I just knew there was no way we could pick him up without getting that mess on us. Have you ever tried to pick up a 160 pound wet noodle covered in poo? There was just no way I was going to even try.

I got a basin of water and started scrubbing him and splashing him with soapy water. He wasn't happy because the water was cold. Well, I wasn't happy because he was lying on the floor covered in poo. So there. (The water wasn't really cold, it just wasn't warm.)

By the time he was clean and dry, the lift team arrived and put him back in bed. When asked how he ended up on the floor, the patient answered that he was trying to jump out the window and missed. I'll say. He wasn't even close. Next time we need to put him closer to the window. (Just kidding.)