An Awkward Question
What does it mean when on a first date, the gentleman asks, apropos of nothing, "Are you a highly sexual person?"
This is his way of asking which of the following questions:
a) Do you share romantic feelings for me?
b) Do you like to F***?"
c) I'm hoping that you're a slut. Are you?
d) I'm a man. What did you expect?
E) Other.
Yes, I went out on another first date. He's a nice doctor and I had high hopes. It wasn't exactly the Hindenberg on the disaster scale, but I'm feeling depressed.
The last time I did any real dating was in college. Sex was never mentioned on a first date. These are rough and tough times to be a lady.
So, does anyone else care to guess what he meant by that question?
Written by Melissa on 12:16 AM
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Melissa blogging from sunny Santa Clarita, Southern California, United States.
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13 Comments:
I would ask him why he asked. It prob means that he is a highly sexual person... nothing wrong w/ that... and that he is looking for the same in someone else. If you aren't...then don't go out w/ him again. At least he is getting to the point about things...
B
I'm guessing he meant answers b and c. I would have asked him, "Are you a highly intelligent person?"
I would definately have pinned him down on why he was asking. It could be several different reasons, but to me the most likely is that he is very busy and doesn't want to invest time in a relationship that isn't going to be 'productive'.
If that was his only transgression, I might overlook it, but it could be a sign of a flaw in his personality. He may be very self-involved. A lot of Doctors are like that. Being a nurse, I imagine you already know that. :)
Gary is a smart one!
I think that I would skip this guy... but it is hard to tell... do you like him???? What is it that you would want from him??? That is the question.
Madwag, he said that he was a highly sexual person. I'm wishing that I had asked him to define the term. The phrase, to me, sounds like it would apply to a sex addict, like Clinton.
Anon, that is my first guess too. That is why I objected to being asked that on a first date. It's crude.
Connie, lol, another question I could have asked is if he was raised by wolves.
Gary, I'm sure that you're right. Just like I have to make sure that my date loves dogs right away so that I don't waste my time, he's doing the same thing. It's just that it's an acceptable topic to ask people about their feelings toward dogs on a first meeting, but not to ask about people's sexual drives.
I would give him another chance if he called me, but I think that's unlikely. He didn't like that I burst out laughing at the question.
Anon, I agree with you.
Madwag, I'm looking for a boyfriend. I don't need or want his money and I'm looking for someone who doesn't want to get his hands on mine. I want someone to hang out with, do things with and have fun together. I'm an affectionate, loving person. I want someone who likes me as a person and doesn't just value what I can do for him in bed.
I was wondering how that all went. There could be many reasons, he may be just up front which is not uncomon in his profession. He routinely discusses very personal issues with patients, and considering the amount of school he endured to get the MD then the specialty, he had little time do develop social skills. This is a common problem in MD's. He may be a very active gentleman and wants to be up front, however due to his age he may have prostate issues which interfere with performance and it may be the opposite situation. I suspect the former based on the descriptions of your previous conversations with him. I dated a psychiatrist for a brief time who was young and healthy and was in no great hurry to persue physical intimacy, of course since he didn't put out I dumped him:) Aside from that question was the rest of the evening enjoyable and confortable? I would give it a second chance.
Sarah, the evening was quite uncomfortable. My nerves got the best of me and he kept telling me to relax. He was critical of my shyness, little girl giggle and complained that I was nothing like the confident woman he knows from work. He was also quick to interrupt me and dismiss my thoughts. I felt like I was an enormous disappointment to him.
It was like being with my ex again. I don't need that. There must be someone out there who would value a woman who tends to be shy and has an occasional child-like (not childish)quality.
Did you premedicate? I find that it helps me in most...well all social situations, like say leaving the house, having to communicate with other humans, family members etc... It really dulls the irritating quality of the jerks that we have to deal with everyday, and at times it almost makes interactions with other earthlings amusing (that takes extra premeds). I think about the only time it's not required is when contact with animals is anticipated. They do not exude any negative qualities, at least ours don't. Another handy trick is to premedicate your human companion. This of course must be done with discretion, it makes them oh so much more pleasant to be around, I don't even mind the snoring after the holiday meals:) As for ytour date, due to his profession he may recognize the symptoms so he would not be a good candidate. Perhaps you could date someone in another profession.
No, I didn't premedicate, although I considered it. I knew that we would be drinking and xanax and alcohol is not a good mix if I wanted to get home without being arrested. The alcohol, rather than calming me down, just made me sillier.
Other professions would be fine. I seem to have my best luck with lawyers.
Sounds like he was out to get laid, if you ask me. Otherwise, why would he complain so much that you weren't like the "confident woman he knows from work". Please! Anyone with a brain would be able to figure out that your apparent shyness was spurred by his unseemly attitude.
Lisa, I was a nervous wreck because he seems like such a good catch and I didn't want to blow it. I wasn't the confident woman he knows from work.
We've since talked and I read too much into his question. We're going to let it go.
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