Pearly Gates

The patient was an old man with multiple medical problems, any one of which could have killed him. Dialysis was keeping him alive, but he didn't see the point. He wanted to die and we were keeping him alive.

Too weak to even turn over, he was totally dependent on us for all of his care. He just lay there helplessly as we changed his diaper and bathed him. For a man who still remembered being young and strong, who once supported and took care of his family, it must have been demoralizing to find himself totally dependent on others for his care.

He wasn't going to get better. He had been slowly dying for some time and he was tired of it. He just wanted to die and be released from the torture we were putting him through. So, he began abusing his call light. He was calling every few minutes and his request was always the same, "Please kill me."

Of course, being human and preferring to laugh than cry, we would joke amongst ourselves. When the call light had gone on for something like the fiftieth time, I would say in a matter of fact voice, "I'm going to go kill him now."

He was going to die soon without our help. He became too sick for dialysis, so that was stopped. His body filled with poisons and fluid. By withholding treatment, we were allowing him to die, but it was a bad process. He alternated between confusion and periods of lucidity, but regardless, he still asked us to kill him.

On his last night, he asked his nurse to take him to Jesus. She told him that the gates to Heaven didn't open until eight a.m. and that he would have to wait. I'm guessing that she came up with that line because her shift ended at seven-thirty a.m. and she wanted him to leave her alone until the next shift took over.

At ten a.m., two hours after the gates to Heaven opened, he passed away. It's sad, but is it a tragedy when an old man dies?