It's Important to Chew Before Swallowing

Richard dropped by at work and asked for some chux. Those are plastic lined sheets of paper that are put under leaky patients. Since he's a psychiatrist who never gets his hands dirty, it seemed like an odd thing to want, but I went to go get him some.

On the way to the cabinet, he said that they were for personal use. I thought for a second and wondered if Richard had some kind of leakage problem, but instead, I asked if he got a puppy. He said no and explained that he swallowed some dental work and needed to get it back. I'm a nurse and am used to discussing poop, but this was a little weird.

He started grabbing the chux and taking more and more. He took between 15 and 20 of them. I didn't say anything, but how many times did he think that he would need to poop to get his dental work back?

He left and then came back a few minutes later and asked how he was going to do this. I didn't know what he meant and suggested using a colander and hosing it in the back yard. He just wanted to know how he was going to "go" on a chux. This conversation just kept getting weirder and weirder. I suggested a bedpan and handed him one. He took it, but he looked kind of pathetic carrying a pile of chuxes and a bedpan, so I put his treasures in a big patient belongings bag. Joking, I said that it's easier to steal stuff if it's in a bag. He looked astonished and said that he's not stealing it, it's for his personal use. I didn't say anything, but he knows more about medicine than the law. It was theft and I was an accessory.

At least I now have some idea of how Richard will be spending his weekend. I'm kind of glad that I won't be around for that.