Nurse Melissa's Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Want to avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat? Just use the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough take a large dose of laxatives; that should quiet your cough down considerably.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

And remember:

You only need to two tools: WD-40 and Duct tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

If it does move and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations. You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

(Thank you, Dave, for sending this to me.)