Partying Around Death

Work had a cocktail party atmosphere this evening with staff laughing and talking while snacking on Filipino mango cake and coffee. Disgusting photos were passed around for entertainment. The favorite was of an excoriated anal area that resembled a pink flower. (I would have published a picture, but even I have limits.)

While we were having so much fun, one of the patients was dying. Nothing could be done except to try and keep her comfortable. Her morphine drip was high enough to kill ten people, but it just made her barely comfortable.

Tearful family members visit and can hear us laughing. Perhaps we should adopt a more serious demeanor, but this has been going on for days and will probably continue for several more. That's too long to pretend to be somber.

I hope that they understand our behavior is not meant to be callous. Our jokes relieve tension and make an otherwise bad situation tolerable. But when I laugh, I feel guilty.