Beans on a Toilet Seat

The patient had been helped to the bathroom less than a minute earlier when hysterical sobbing could be heard. Rushing to see what had happened, I saw the wailing patient stumble out of the bathroom. Behind her, the bathroom walls looked like someone had sprayed diarrhea with a hose on all four walls. It was at about waist level in a complete circle, dripping down the walls and covering the floor and toilet.

I don't know how this happened, but my theory is that she must have bent over the toilet and then lost control of her bowels. Surprised by the projectile force flying out of her, she must have spun in a circle, coating all of the walls. I'm not an expert, but I'm reasonably sure that she would have to bend over and spin to make that kind of spray pattern. Or, as Sarah suggested, she brought her power sprayer to the hospital with her to accomplish the task.

On the toilet seat and floor were whole pinto beans. They were in such good shape that we could have rinsed them off and served them for dinner.

Had this occurred in her bed, the clean-up would have been my job. Because it happened in the bathroom, it was the housekeeper's job. Thank goodness she made it to the bathroom. (Sorry, housekeepers. 99% of the time the patients go in the bed. This was one of those rare occasions where the nurses got a break.)