They Really Do That?

My student was upset. A patient needed a condom catheter and another nurse had explained to her how it was done. She said, "He told me that I need to do this." She jerked her curled hand up and down in the air. No wonder she was upset. She's a nice girl who has studied hard to become a nurse and certainly didn't want to be little more than a prostitute. I told her that the nurse was having fun with her. Just then he walked by. I smiled and coyly said to him, "We do not jack-off the patients." He laughed and replied that he does. Another nurse who overheard the exchange chimed in that she does too and was taught that in nursing school.

I was laughing at their joking. A gay male nurse and a prim and proper young female nurse playing with their patient's penis every time they need to put on a condom catheter? The mental picture I had was so hilarious. It sounded like the plot for some low-budget porn flick, and yet, that's what they did. They both insisted that it was not possible to put on a condom catheter without first getting the patient to have an erection. I replied that I got them on flaccid penises all of the time. I explained how the applicator that comes with it makes it easy. They just looked at me blankly.

Wondering if it was perhaps a Filipino nursing school thing, I asked some other Filipino nurses about that and they were all shocked. They most definitely had never been taught that and had never done that. I even looked it up in a nursing how-to book and giving the patient a hand job was not one of the steps.

It's a wonder that no patient has ever complained about that. Or, maybe not. Would you complain?