Ladder Rules

I have a rule that I'm not allowed to climb any higher on a ladder than I'm willing to fall. I broke that rule.

My house came with awning across the back of the house. Eventually the fabric fell apart from the hot sun, leaving ribbons of fabric blowing in the wind.

I didn't mind. I liked having more window exposed and the sun pouring through the house. What I did mind was the eyesore of flapping pieces of fabric. It had to come down. There was just one problem. One of the awning frames was about 16 feet off the ground and I'm not willing to risk falling 16 feet.

That's a problem that I've been thinking about for at least a year. The awning didn't magically disappear like I had hoped, which left the only alternative, making a death climb.

My last meal was a blueberry smoothie. I brushed my teeth afterwards so that if the paramedics came, I wouldn't have blue teeth. I had never used an extension ladder before, so I made my best guess how it worked and slowly climbed with a screwdriver.

I wasn't happy with what was in my fall zone. There was a pile about five feet high of branches that need to be cut into firewood. Some of the side branches faced up, the better to skewer me with should I fall. I tried not to look down and picture myself as a human shish kebob.

Whoever attached the bolts to the house did not want them ever to come undone. It took all of my strength to loosen them and one bolt I completely gave up on. It was permanently screwed in. The frame shifted around and dangled by the one bolt. I couldn't leave it like that, it was just too embarrassing looking. As a last result, I sat on the edge of the window and began swinging the frame back and forth hoping that the screw would come out of the wall. It did and the awning frame went crashing down, taking the ladder with it. Good thing I was sitting on the window ledge.

Not feeling lucky enough, I decided to go back up the ladder because the window needed washing. This time the window was closed so there was no escape route. Nothing bad happened. But, there are streaks on the window. Do I dare going up the ladder again?