My Worst Enemy

Stupid, stupid Melissa. You know what she did to me last night? She left the keys in the car ignition. So, I had to call Auto Club and wait out on the street in the middle of the night in a cruddy neighborhood until they came.

She says that it wasn't her fault. There was no warning dinging when she got out of the car that the keys were still in the ignition. I think that is a flimsy excuse. Melissa has been driving long enough to know to take the car keys with her.

Anyway, Auto Club unlocked the car and I asked him to wait a second while I started my car. It hadn't escaped my notice that Melissa had also left the power on and that the dashboard was lit up like the Vegas Strip. I turned the key and nothing. The battery had been drained. The locksmith didn't have jumper cables, so I had to go back to the street and wait an additional half-hour for another Auto Club vehicle.

They were late, but at least they came. There was just one problem, the truck was too high to fit in the parking structure. He asked me to walk him to my car, which I did, wondering what he was planning on doing. Did he not believe me that I knew a dead battery when I saw one?

He got in the car, turned the key and of course nothing happened. Then he asked me if I wanted to steer. I didn't understand what he was talking about, so he said that we were going to push my car down to the entrance of the building. It sounded insane to me. I was on the third floor. I said that I would rather push than steer, because I wasn't sure that I could make the tight corners on the way down without the power to help me turn the wheel.

He climbed in, I pushed the car out of the parking spot and then ran after my car following it down. On the second floor, there was a major flat area, so he had to get out and help push. Soon it was out of the structure and he jump-started my car. I got safely home and hour and a half late.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Do you know what else stupid Melissa has been doing for the last week? Driving without headlights at night. The dim lights were on (what are they called, fog lights?), but the real headlights were off. She says that it wasn't her fault. The car did not come with an owner's manual and how is a dumb blonde supposed to figure out something as complicated as turning headlights on. It's a good thing that there are street lights everywhere.

And lastly, there is the passenger window embarrassment. It went down automatically when the top was lowered, but it would not come back up. This really wasn't Melissa's fault. She tried and tried to figure out how to get it to go back up and ended up having to drive with the window down.

It's too bad that yesterday she found the magic override switch that made the car window control work. If the side window had still been down, I could have crawled in my car after Melissa locked me out.