Retail Therapy

I needed to quickly buy a present. I went to T.J.Maxx where I usually have good luck. I looked at shoes, purses, jewelry, clothes and housewares. There was no budget. I could buy anything that struck my fancy and yet, came out empty-handed. The present was for me. How is it possible to go into a women's store and not find one thing I even remotely wanted?

Dejected at not getting a present, I bought a car load of manure instead, along with some heater filters. Don't I know how to have fun on a Saturday afternoon? The only thing that could have made the day any more fun is putting gas in my car and air in my tires.

I did get invited to a donkey class by someone at work, but I have no desire to do that, whatever that is. She showed me a photo of her dressed up in a 1950's nursing costume with a donkey covered in bandages. Apparently, the class involves dressing up in costumes with your donkey. I don't really get it, but I have been known to do that with my dogs. It's funny how it seems normal to dress up a dog, but odd to dress up a donkey. It's probably best that I not find out if I like donkeys. The odds are that I would and the last thing I need is a donkey living in my house and sleeping in my bed.

I've been a little bit sick for almost a month now. I was only shopping for a couple of hours, but by the time I got home, I just collapsed in the middle of a dog heap. Dinner was a beer, jalapeno potato chips, ice cream, dates, diet rootbeer and a peanut butter cup. Give me a break, I've been eating healthy food all week. I couldn't treat myself with retail therapy, so I used junk food therapy instead. They both work about as well. It's fun while you're doing it and then you regret it.

I need to make at least four more manure runs next week. At least my car no longer smells like dog.