Stiff

It's usually not so difficult to get a body in a body bag. You just tie the wrists and ankles together, roll the person over, slide the bag under them, tuck one side of the body in the bag, roll them back the other way, finish wrapping the bag around them and zip them up. It takes maybe five minutes.

The body I was stuck with had been lying around for a good six hours. It was in full rigor mortis. Ever try to tie the wrists and ankles together of a stiff dead body, splayed out in a bed? It was a coroner's case, so I had to be careful not to damage the body. Pushing the legs and arms together so that they could be tied was a challenge. It was more than a challenge, it was impossible. The only way it could be done was to break some bones. There were so many reasons why it would be bad to do that, so I left the person as is.

When I rolled the body on its side, blood came pouring out the nose and almost landed on my shoes. The same thing happened when the body was rolled to the other side, only this time I was prepared and stayed clear of the head. I had never seen a person this dead before. I have no idea if its normal for dead people to bleed like that.

The body was also tall. It was longer than the zipper opening. Normally, I would simply bend the body's legs to fit through the opening, but again, the body could not bend. In my effort to make it fit, the bag broke and the feet ended up poking through the bottom. Good enough. I just tucked the bag around the feet.

Perhaps I should have started over with a new bag, but I had had enough. My back hurt and I was sweating. It's not easy working with a four hundred pound dead body. I was starting to understand why the previous shift had allowed the body to lie around so long. After wrestling with the body, I asked for the full story of what had happened.

Emotionally, the nurses were wiped out. The code blue and gone badly. The patient was young, reasonably healthy and hospitalized only for routine knee surgery. She had taken her first step with her new knee and was elated. By the second or third step, she began gasping and collapsed to the floor. Patients often faint the first time they get up after surgery, so her nurse opened a vial of smelling salts under her nose. There was no response. The nurse broke another eight vials of smelling salts, one after the other, waving them under the patient's nose.

Another nurse asked a doctor, who happened to be on the floor, to look at the patient. He quickly determined that she had no pulse. I'm wondering why it took a doctor to make that observation, but I'm trying not to pass judgment. The code blue started. There happened to be several doctors around at the time, so there was plenty of help. They worked on her for forty-five minutes before pronouncing her dead.

The coroner will have to figure out why she died, but our best guess is that she suffered a pulmonary embolism. Either a blood clot or perhaps some bone marrow or fat traveled to her lungs. When that happens, there isn't much anyone can do. I was happier when it was just a body. Knowing the story behind the death took all of the sick humor out of the situation.

Dance Partners

Obama and Palin are going to be on Dancing With The Stars. It's on the Internet, so it must be true.

World's Most Dangerous Cake

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE


4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!

Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Thanks, Sarah.

The Vacation From Hell

It was the most expensive meal of my life and it wasn't even that good. It was just your usual all-you-can-eat buffet. Lunch cost six hundred dollars for two people and we didn't even order alcohol. It was partly expensive because lunch was along the coast with a nice view of the scenic Port of Los Angeles. And, the tab included four days at sea on a cruise ship. But, we left after lunch.

What happened is that after lunch, I had called my mom to see how my dad was doing. We had taken my father to the hospital the night before and he had been admitted. It was determined that he had new onset heart failure in addition to his pre-existing emphysema. The conditions can be managed medically up to a point, so I figured with some changes in his medications, he would be discharged in a day or two. Before the ship left though, I wanted to make sure my dad was doing okay.

My mom had bad news. Dad had an aortic aneurism and might need surgery right away. Lindsay and I got off the ship. I went to my parent's house and moved in for a few days. The cruise clothes worked fine for my stay, although I had no occasion to wear my red ballgown.

By the time I got to the hospital with my mom, they were putting Dad on a gurney to transfer him to another hospital. A surgeon there was going to try and repair the aneurysm by snaking a stent through a blood vessel in his groin. It was a new procedure that only became available a couple of years ago. There was a possibility that the aneurism could only be repaired by opening my father up. With his bad lungs and heart, he was a poor surgical risk for such extensive surgery.

The surgery went well and only the the minimally invasive procedure was needed. It turned out that there were two aneurysms along the abdominal aorta and were about the size of oranges. It was a miracle that they were diagnosed before they ruptured.

It was the week from hell. My stomach still hurts from the stress and I lost a pound without trying, but my dad is now home and doing much better. The first thing he did after we got him home and plopped in his chair was to ask for his cigarettes. Even after all of this, he is still unwilling to quit smoking and there is not a thing we can do about it.

Now, it is time for me to go back to work and I need a vacation. At least I have my dad back.