Dollar Toys

Today I went to the Dollar Tree where everything costs one dollar. There wasn't a thing that I needed, yet I bought 30 items. What can I say? It's a gift.

Who was really lucky was Murphy. They had fluffy squeak toys, so I was able to stock up. They won't last long, the yellow bird in the picture is nothing but fluff and rope now, but it makes the Murph so happy. See how pleased he looks when presented with a new toy?

Leaning Apple Tree

My house came with about 20 fruit trees, many of which were apple trees. I don't have anything against apples. I like them. Really, I do. But, I don't understand why someone would plant apple trees when they could have just as easily have planted peaches or apricots.

I didn't kill any fruit trees on purpose, but some are now firewood or compost. The holes have been filled in with more worthy fruit trees. (Okay, so I'm prejudiced.)

One of the 5 remaining apple trees is starting to lean precariously. I might be able to stake it with a lot of help, but if I do nothing and just wait, I'll have room for a nice apricot tree. What a quandary. What's the ethical thing to do?

A Blonde and her Debit Card are Soon Parted

I feel like such an idiot. My debit card is missing. The last time I remember seeing it was at the gas station where I laid it down on top of the car for a second. Now, it's probably lying in a road someplace, wondering why I abandoned it. Good thing it wasn't a baby.

The South View

This is the view to the south from my house. That's the Angeles National Forest in the background. What's funny is that the forest, at least this part, doesn't have any trees.

At the bottom of the hill from my house is the Santa Clara River. It doesn't have any water in it most of the time.

A forest without trees and a river without water, does that seem odd to anyone else?

Driving on Autopilot

Today, I was driving to a friend's house, a place I've been many times before, and I got lost. No, I didn't suddenly forget the way. I just forgot to think about what I was doing. My hands and feet drove the car, while my mind was off somewhere else.

When my mind returned, I was completely disoriented. It took awhile to figure out where I was and how to get back. Driving on autopilot happens to me fairly frequently, but if it occurs during my daily commute, I will end up at my desired location. My hands and feet know how to get to work and back, but no where else. It's a challenge being absent-minded.

Why I Can't See Sunrises or Sunsets

This is the view from my backyard facing West.
This is the view from my front window directly to the East.
The street that my house sits on, winds through a canyon with just enough room for a single row of houses on each side of the street. Except for the occasional side street or flag lot, no one has rear neighbors. This is both good and bad. It's good in that there is privacy and something of a view if you like brown hillsides. What's bad is the proximity to critters, such as rattlesnakes and coyotes, and the fire danger. It's also annoying that I can't see sunrises or sunsets. All in all, though, I think that it's a good trade-off. A little bit of danger is the price for being surrounded by hills, rather than people.

NURSE...Coming...NURSE...Coming

Tonight we had 5 nurses and one aide for 10 patients. It made for an easy evening, which was especially joyous since we finally got rid of a patient who has been living with us for over 2 months. We're not doing much for him except providing custodial care, which could be provided at home or in a board and care. The problem is, his family doesn't want him and no facility will take him. So, we're stuck. As much as we would like to, we can't dump him on a sidewalk someplace.

If he were pleasant it wouldn't be so bad, but he's verbally abusive at times and likes to yell NURSE at the top of his lungs. On a bad night he can yell for hours. Our response is COMING and then we go fluff his pillow or do whatever it is that he wants, leave and then he yells NURSE again. I've heard other patients yelling COMING in response to his NURSE. They know the routine. NURSE...COMING...NURSE...COMING. It's like Marco Polo.

Recently he yelled, threw things and banged his phone on the table the entire night. No one got any sleep. Patients complained to administration, we complained and so it was decided to move him to another unit. It was someone else's turn.

The charge nurse for another unit was told that he was being transferred there and that old, tough, crusty nurse began crying. It worked. They didn't get the patient. (Now that we know crying works, we will be practicing our spontaneous crying skills for future patients that we don't want.)

Anyway, another unit was found and they have him now. We can still here him faintly yelling off in the distance. We spent the remainder of the evening doing high fives, victory dances and laughing. Sometimes nursing doesn't suck.

Dog Tongue Facial

This morning I was lying on the floor, paralyzed with fatigue. Soon I was surrounded by dogs and kelsey began thoroughly licking my face with his sandpaper tongue. When he was done, all of the old flaky skin was gone, and I was left with a fresh, dewy layer of skin. Some women pay good money to get this kind of spa treatment. I get it for free.

61,200 Beeps

We don't usually continually monitor patient's oxygen saturation on my floor, but we made an exception for one patient. That damned machine beeped twice a second for 8.5 hours. If my math is correct, that's 61, 200 beeps.

Until we were able to get another patient's pain under control, he hooted like an owl 40 times per minute for 1.5 hours. That's 3,600 hoots, I think.

Another patient refused to take some medication this morning that had the side effect of severe diarrhea. He told day shift, "I don't want to be .....ing all over the place."For my shift he had a change of heart. I had the special honor of changing his diaper and sheets several times tonight. I don't know if he changed his mind because he likes me or hates me.

Another patient who felt like being naked said, "If there are any attractive men out there, send them in. If they're ugly, don't bother." She was not confused.

I was also surprised to hear a voice yell out "WHAT!!!" that sounded just like mine. I pride myself on my self-control and I lost it. Then I had to apologize to the poor doctor who didn't know that I had heard my name called out too many times. Can I blame it on the 61,200 beeps?

The Barefoot Nurse

Alright, I'm wearing socks, but isn't that about the same thing as being barefoot? Especially for a nurse?

The shoes that I wore last night have received a good amount of wear and tear. That's why it was so surprising when one shoe began hurting so much. When the pain became unbearable, I removed my shoes and put on patient socks. The rest of the shift, I worked with nothing between my bare feet and the scary carpet but a layer of knit fabric. Do you think that it's safe to bleach feet?

When I got home, I looked at my foot and found an abscess on the sole. I performed some minor surgery and found a splinter that had become infected. Hopefully, I got it all. I'm working tonight, so I really hope that I'm able to wear shoes.

Monkey In The Sky With Apples

Don't ask how it got there. I didn't do it, but there's a monkey hanging from an apple tree in my yard. No, it's not a real monkey. It's a monkey faced squeak toy that's long and stretchy, making it perfect for friendly tug of war games.

The dogs are talented, but I don't think that they're capable of tossing a toy 15 feet in the air. Maybe a vengeful squirrel decided to play a mean trick on the dogs and taunt them with a favorite toy out of reach. Or, maybe the evil gardeners did it. :)

A Special Friend?

The nurse who can't concentrate when she looks in my eyes gave me a dolphin necklace tonight. A few weeks ago she gave me a cat's eye bracelet and dried mangoes. I've never given her anything.

She has a husband and children, so I never gave any thought to her sexual preference, until now. Is she just trying to make friends or is she looking for a special friend? What future gifts await me? :)

Why Can't We Just Get Along?

My friend Lindsay sent this to me.

Female prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong,

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call and not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh!!!Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend. Amen.

Male prayer

I pray for a deaf- mute nymphomaniac with big boobs who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ..... Amen.

Within Toppling Distance

A new hospital is being built in our old parking lot. The first picture shows it as viewed from the 8th floor of the existing hospital. The bottom photo shows the two hospitals together. We're getting a new hospital because the old one is not earthquake safe. What bothers me is that if the old hospital falls over in an earthquake, it will land on top of the new hospital. Am I the only one who has thought of that? :)

Dave

I just found Dave, the fish, dead. He was lying out of the water in a tangle of aquatic plants. I don't know if he got trapped and suffocated or if it was a natural death.

Dave was a solid, silvery white, six inch baby koi. Of my fish, he was the most outgoing and friendly, so it seemed suitable for him to be named after Dave Goodman. I know that it's just a fish, but I still feel so depressed.

Hey, What's Wrong With My Eyes?

A coworker wanted to discuss something with me, but she kept losing her train of thought. Finally she said, "I have to look away. I can't concentrate when I look at your eyes."

She is a sweet person who would never intend to offend me, but I can't figure out what she meant. And now, I'm afraid to look at her, because I don't want to upset her.

I've asked other people about this and they just dismiss the subject with the comment that she's Philippino. But it's not like she's never seen a blue eyed person before. We have to work together and I just feel so weird. Is there something wrong with my eyes?

Green Shopping Day

It wasn't planned, but somehow everything I bought today was green.

I'm going to a couple of parties next month, so of course I had to have a new dress. The green one looked best on me.

I wanted a new shower curtain. There's nothing wrong with the old one except that I'm tired of it. I found a new one that's green. (I'm wearing it like a stole.)

I liked my old purse, especially since my friend Sarah gave it to me, but there wasn't enough room for all of my stuff. I found a silly green purse with pink sequined flowers. It's so girly that I had to have it.

The kitchen rug had to be replaced. It can be seen in my post "Doggy Door Drama." Besides being tacky, it was starting to look like spaghetti from the dogs getting their nails caught in the loops. The new one is green.

It was a very successful shopping day. (Okay, I did cheat. I also bought some blue topaz earrings.)

Get a Good Grip

Tonight I needed to assist a young disabled man to pee. We have plastic bottles called urinals for male patients. Because he was unable to use his hands, I put his penis in the urinal. Unfortunately, I did not have a good grip and his penis flew out of the urinal spraying a stream of urine through the air and all over my arm. That led to bed change number 1.

Next, another patient missed the urinal. That was bed change number 2.

Then, a patient with diarrhea overflowed the bedpan. Bed change number 3.

Last, but not least, a patient vomited all over the sheets. Bed change number 4.

Have I mentioned that I'm an R.N.? Why don't we have have nurse's aides to help us?

Carpet With Cooties

Patients have a tendency to drip, you know, stuff from various body orifices. When they go for walks, various fluids, and sometimes solids, fall on the floor. The problem is, our floor is carpeted. Although swept occasionally, it is rarely shampooed, so the carpet is viewed as scary and evil by nursing staff.

Sometimes visitors bring small children and allow them to crawl and roll around on the carpet. Of course, we will politely ask them to pick up their kidlets, but it's too late. They're contaminated.

Stinky Phone

Tonight, two of my patients had severe diarrhrea. One of those patients lacked spincter control, resulting in some unbelievable messes to be cleaned up. I understand how it got all over the bed, the patient, the floor and the bedside commode. What I don't understand is how the phone got soaked. And, exactly how does one get diarrhea off a phone?

Another patient insisted on being topless even though the room was filled with visitors. Every attempt to cover her up was met with the declaration, " I have to get my blouse off."

Another patient complained that a heavyset nurse from the previous shift had laid on top of her to reach something, rather walk around to the other side of the bed. She griped that her "boobs still hurt from that nurse lying on top of me."

All in all, it was a typical night.

Doggy Door Drama

In the middle of the night, Murphy woke me up with his whimpering. This a nightly routine. He whimpers, I whimper back and satisfied that I'm still alive, he settles down and goes to sleep. Except this time he was clearly upset and couldn't be comforted.

Wondering if he was having problems fitting through the doggy door, I got up, stumbled through the dark, down the stairs and let him out the back door. He ran straight for the pond and jumped in. I went back to bed. It was 3 am.

At 3:45 am, I woke to the sound of woofing outside. Exasperated, I let the wet Murph in, wondering why he wasn't using the doggy door.

At the ungodly hour of 8 am, I woke to more whimpering. I let the Murph out and went in the kitchen to look at the doggy door and found it lying across my computer table. Poor Murph. It must have gotten stuck on him when he squeezed through it earlier. I would buy a bigger door if I could, but they don't come any larger.

Please Don't Fall Until Fall

Don't people know that they're not supposed to get sick in the summer time? At the beginning of July, we had 4 nurses for 6 patients. That's how we like it.

Now for this entire week, we've had 3 or 4 nurses for 19 patients. This really sucks! This is the time of the year when staff takes their vacations and with the typically low census, it works out fine. So now we're short-staffed and the patients just keep coming.

What is going on? I think that it should be a requirement that if people want to fall and break their hip, they should have to schedule an appointment first. Is that too much to ask? :)

Where's Today's Fire?

I feel the familiar vibration and roar of another water dropping helicopter flying over my house. The air is smoky and oppressively hot. Sirens occasionally wail in the distance. Just another typical day in Canyon Country.

Going to Bed With the Boys

This is what I see at bedtime. Craig Ferguson on the TV and dogs hopping all over the bed. I'm tired and want to sleep, but the boys (the dogs, not Craig) have been sleeping all evening and now that I'm home, they want to play. (sigh...)

Chocolate Shopping

I dropped by Trader Joe's today to buy some more chocolate. My supply was at a critical low. While ringing up the chocolate, the clerk asked sympathetically, "Is this all for you?" Sadly, I answered "Yeah, it's been a bad week." She smiled, understandingly.

Hot Snow

It's well over 100 degrees today and breezy. A perfect day for a fire. Today was Costco day and when I came out of the store, the air was smoky and ashes were falling like snow. Just another typical summer day.

It reminded me of another day several years ago when I lived in another house about a mile from my present house. It was, at the time, on the edge of civilization. The area has since been developed, but back then, my house was at the edge of miles of brush covered hills. Like so many days, I smelled smoke. Off in the distance, a small fire was burning. I wasn't too concerned because the water dropping helicopters were already working on it. The Fire Department is so good at what they do, I was sure that it would be put out quickly.

Throughout the morning, I would occasionally check on the fire. With increasing anxiety, I watched the fire grow in size. The plume of smoke had turned black, sometimes flames shot up into the sky, and the water drops couldn't keep up with with the rapidly spreading fire. The wind was blowing it directly towards my house.

I was starting to think about what items I should try to save. Trying not to panic, I filled my car with photo albums, important documents and my jewelry. Everything else, I figured, could be replaced.

A Sheriff's car drove slowly down the street with its loudspeakers blaring that we needed to prepare to evacuate. I untangled the hoses and spread them out, got out the ladder and put an assortment of shovels around the yard in case the water pressure dropped. I wanted to leave, but I knew that if I did, my husband would kill me. He was adamant about his belief that the people who evacuate are the ones who lose their homes. The people who stay and fight are able to save their homes. I was of the opinion that the people who stayed were likely to be killed. My opinion didn't matter. I was going to have to stay and fight.

Suddenly, the sky went dark as we were engulfed in black smoke. It looked like nighttime, except for an eerie reddish glow lighting the sky. The wind was howling and ashes were falling like snow. At more than 100 degrees, I imagined that this is what Hell must look like. Trying not to cry, I called my husband at work and asked him to come home. Alarmed, he said that he would leave now.

I moved my car out to the street to make sure that I didn't get blocked in. I was still preparing to flee even though I knew that I couldn't leave. Fire trucks were parked at the bottom of our hill waiting. News reporters were starting to arrive and were taking pictures of the evacuations.

Suddenly, the fire appeared at the top of the ridge across the street from my house. I could feel the heat from 100 feet away, hear the crackling sounds and saw burning embers flying through the sky past me. That was it. I was leaving.

I ran with the dogs out to the car and drove off. We drove over to the other side of the hill and I saw that the fire had already burned there. There being nothing left to burn, it seemed to be a fairly safe place to stop and leave the dogs. Fearing my husband's wrath, I parked the car and ran back over the hill to check on the house. The street trees were on fire, but so far the house was still okay. Worried about the dogs, I ran back to check on them. I ran back and forth between the house and dogs every couple of minutes for I don't know how long.

Finally, my husband arrived. He had been stuck in traffic and been delayed by a roadblock. Not even residents were being allowed in, so he flashed his prosecutor's badge and drove through the roadblock. No one came after him.

He drove past sections of burning brush on the hill up to our house and didn't know what he was going to find as he came around the bend. Fortunately, our house was safe and I was at my post when he arrived. The fire across the street was starting to die down, so I ran back and got the dogs and brought them home. Another day in paradise.

Things to be Grateful for

This has been an unbelievably bad week. Thank God for chocolate, dog kisses and xanax. I keep telling myself that "this too shall pass." I'm starting to wonder if that's true.

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm hoping that the evil patients will be gone before I go back to work on Saturday. One can hope. I'm reminded of another saying. "The only reason that some people are alive is because it is illegal to kill them."

Handwashing Songs

To avoid spreading infection, hands must be washed for 15 seconds between patients. To make sure that we are washing our hands long enough, we have been instructed to sing songs when washing our hands. (Silently, thank goodness.)

Recommended songs for nurses are Yankee Doodle Dandy or Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Surgeons scrubbing for surgery, sing 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. (Just kidding about the surgeons.)

Being something of a rebel, this is my song:
I never will marry,
I'll be no man's wife,
I pledge to remain single,
for the rest of my life.

Last night I found fresh blood under one of my fingernails and it wasn't mine. I had been wearing gloves and had washed my hands. I'm not happy about that. I may need a longer song and a nail scrubbing brush. Better gloves would also be nice.

Baby

My friend Sarah's much beloved Golden Retriever, Baby, passed away yesterday. (Baby is pictured at the far right.) Baby started her life as breeding stock at a puppy mill. After an infection left her infertile, her owner no longer wanted her. Sarah rescued Baby and gave her a life that most humans would envy.

Sarah's life revolves around her dogs and Baby, I imagine, couldn't believe her good fortune to be adopted by such an angel as Sarah. Baby slept in Sarah's bed, lounged on the couch, was fed home cooked chicken, and was petted, massaged, hugged, kissed and sweet talked with complete adoration.

Baby was only 8 years old and was diagnosed with advanced, untreatable cancer. She was put down to end her suffering. Sarah is heartbroken, as am I. Baby will be greatly missed.

Natural Born Killer

Sadly, another squeak toy has lost its life at the hands of Murphy. The toy was minding its own business, just sitting on the floor, when Murphy came along and tore its guts out. Once the little squeak device was extracted, Murphy walked away, satisfied. Just another day of senseless violence in L.A.

Bloody Patient With Scissors

Last night's problem child had already driven day shift into a frenzy by the time evening shift arrived. The patient had been shrieking and cursing for hours. Her roommate was in tears and wanted to be moved, but with a full house, there was no place to move her.

Right before we arrived, problem child had pulled out her IV, yanked out an important drain and with a pair of scissors, cut off her gown and fresh surgical dressing. She was lying stark naked in bed, covered in blood, holding a pair of scissors in her hand.

A doctor came in and checked on her, wrote some orders and left. It was now our turn.

During the clean up operation, she bitterly complained. She shrieked, "I was naked in my apartment and this MAN came in." Told that she was in the hospital and not at home, she screamed, "You're full of ....."

This all happened in the first hour of the shift. We had seven more to go.

Flasher Stories

Gemmak recently posted a story about her unfortunate experience with a flasher. That reminded me of some of my flasher stories.

If I walk into a female patient's room and she is sprawled naked on top of the bed, then I know that she is confused. Perhaps it is a reaction to the narcotics or maybe she was confused to begin with. But, I know that there is a problem because alert and oriented women almost never flash.

If I walk into a man's room and he is sprawled naked on top of the bed, it doesn't mean anything. He might be confused or just a pig. It can go either way.

We once had a prominent doctor as a patient in our unit. Having always been a perfect gentleman, we were disgusted when he began using his call light every few minutes because every time someone went in there, he was lying on top of the covers with his legs spread open. We figured that he was a pervert and just wanted to make sure that everyone saw him naked.

Later when he began talking nonsense, we realized that we had misjudged him and he was having a drug reaction. Although we behaved professionally, we did have evil thoughts. I try not to be so quick to judge anymore.

One last story involved a young, married man who needed to be taken for a walk. As soon as I got him stood up, he took his gown off and dropped it on the floor. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he didn't want to wear the gown on his walk. I told him that he couldn't go naked and he got angry. He said that we all knew what he looked like and there was no reason to cover up. I explained that we would be walking through public corridors and it wasn't okay to be naked. Annoyed, he let me put a gown on him. Other than being a disgusting pig, there was nothing wrong with him. I wish, sometimes that we were allowed to say what we really think to the patients.

There aren't any pictures in this post for obvious reasons. :)

Pretty Boys

My three boys from left to right:
Tom Tom, Murphy and Kelsey. It's not easy getting them in the same shot.

For those with "Mary eyesight," the section of carpet between Tom Tom and Murphy is missing a chunk of fibers. Kelsey apparently thought that it looked better that way.

Disgusting Nurse Joke

Question: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

Answer: By the taste.

A Five Advil Night

For the ENTIRE shift, a wooOOOoooing sound like the wind howling through an abandoned building came from a patient's room. It was a patient. There was nothing that we could do to make her stop it, short of killing her, which management frowns upon. It was a five Advil in one swallow night. Tomorrow has to be better. It couldn't be any worse, unless that patient is still there tomorrow.

Mysterious Hole

I just found this hole in my hillside. It's about a foot in diameter and I don't know how deep. I was tempted to poke a broom handle in and see how deep it is, but was afraid that something might jump out at me.

It's too big for gophers, squirrels, rats or snakes. I'm feeling a little uneasy.

Phone Flavored Gum

In the hospital, many of our patients are confused. This leads to behavior that is both sad and funny. The last day that I worked prior to my vacation, a patient stuffed her mouth full of telephone cord. She insisted that it was chewing gum. The phone was taken away from her, but she kept managing to reach it. Several times during the shift, I heard her nurse go in the room and say, "Stop chewing on the phone cord."

Another patient spent much of the evening arguing with a blowing fan. He thought that it was his wife. Having met his wife, I can understand the confusion.

Today I have to go back there. It's been a week, so those patients are probably gone. But there will just be new ones to take their place.

Bad Dreams

Perhaps lacking the energy or creativity to come up with new dreams, I tend to get a lot of reruns.

Last night I had two old favorites. In one, I'm having a wonderful time flying, but I keep having heart-stopping close calls with high power lines. In the other dream, I'm back in college and can't remember what courses I enrolled in, when the classes meet or where.

This is what my bed looked like when I got up this morning. I wish that I could blame it on the bad dreams, but it looks like this every morning.

My Fish Have Names

I have four koi. Occasionally, someone will ask me if they have names, and when I say yes, that is the end of the conversation. No one ever asks me what their names are. That doesn't seem quite right. People always ask my dog's names. I suspect that people are prejudiced against fish.

So, even though no one has asked, I'm telling you my fish's names. In the top picture from left to right are Sunny, Dave and Sky. In the bottom picture from left to right are Dave and Fuji. (Dave is a show off who has to be in every picture.)

A Bean Field in Oxnard and a Goat

What a totally, miserable day this has been. I go back to work tomorrow and I wanted to spend my last day away from that Hell hole body surfing in Malibu with my dear friend Lindsay. Being over 100 degrees at my house, the beach, I figured would be the perfect temperature. Was I ever wrong!

Malibu was completely socked in by a dense fog bank and COLD. People were wearing their towels instead of lying on them. Even with my wet suit, there was no way I was putting even my toe in that frigid water. Lindsay, knowing my low tolerance for cold, suggested that we just go for a drive instead. Sullenly, I agreed. That man is a Saint. How he puts up with me, I'll never know.

So, that's how I found myself being driven up and down the streets of Oxnard and Port Hueneme on my last day off. I just wanted to scream. We drove past miles of plastic covered strawberry fields and substandard housing. We went to the Fisherman's wharf in Hueneme and tried to walk around, but I was too cold to do anything but buy donuts and hot tea.

We stopped at every produce stand we saw and bought cauliflower, corn and tiny yams. (yipee) It was at one produce stand that I took the picture of the bean field and goat, pictured above. I had planned on taking pictures of Malibu and this is what I got instead. So, instead of me in a bikini, you're getting pictures of a goat. (That may not be a bad thing.)

Road Kill

It happened again. I ran over the hose and squished the nozzle. There is no justification for my action.

One of my friends recently found a rattle snake in his driveway and drove up and down the driveway trying to kill it, but the snake got away.

I have no such excuse. I knew that it was a hose and with premeditation, drove over it anyway. I forgot, once again, about the nozzle.

Do you Think it's Dead?

This is (or was) an orchid plant. I'm trying to decide if I should keep watering it and give it another chance. What do you think?

Costco Treasures

I had to make Costco run today. I was almost out of fruit, cheese, nuts and that incredible LaBrea Bakery bread.

Costco being what it is, there was no way that I could leave with just what I came in for. I found a lovely tree rose. How could I pass that up?

Costco also had new jackets. Did I mention that it is about 100 degrees and humid? Or, that their air conditioner wasn't working? That might stop an ordinary mortal, but not me.

I tried on jackets under sweltering conditions and found the lovely mulberry one that I'm pictured wearing. Do I care that I already have 44 jackets? No, because I didn't have any jackets in this color. I just don't know how I survived this long without a mulberry jacket. ( I know that I have a problem, but I want to remain in denial a little bit longer.)

It could have been much worse, though. I saw a carpet that would be perfect in my kitchen and it was only $999.99. Trembling with lust, I managed to walk away. (sigh...)

Sarah's Garden

10 foot high sunflowers with fuzzy moon



Frog fence around flower beds

I visited my friend, Sarah, yesterday and took some pictures of her garden, shown above. We also did a produce exchange. I traded basil and mulberries in exchange for tomatoes. I'm having a bad tomato year and Sarah is basil challenged at the moment.

Sarah recently planted a mulberry tree like mine, but it's going to be a few years before it produces enough fruit to make her sick as me. In the meantime, she can be sick only once a week or so, when we see each other. Wondering why we eat things that make us sick? Because it tastes so good!

Carpet Kibble

It's painful to walk across my carpet with bare feet. I leave bowls of kibble around so that my dogs can snack whenever they feel like it. The problem is that Kelsey and Murphy, (paws pictured from left to right) are sloppy eaters. They will load up their mouths with kibble and then walk away. The kibble falls out of their mouths leaving a trail across the carpet. The bowls also get knocked over regularly. This all makes for painful walking. I wish that they could be as neat and tidy as little Tom Tom.

Mulberry Diet

This post was originally written a week ago, but lacking a blog, I just saved it. Now I can share!

What I ate today:

Breakfast : Tea and mulberries
Lunch: Mulberries
Afternoon snack: Mulberries
Dinner: Mulberries and a cheese sandwich
Evening snack: Mulberries and dark chocolate

Did I mention that my mulberry tree had a bumper crop this year? It's a funny thing, though. My tummy is a little upset and I don't understand it. Tea, cheese sandwiches and chocolate have never bothered me before.

Death Ties

When patients die, they have to be tied up. I'm not sure why. It's not like they're going to escape. Anyway, in the death kit are cotton ties which we use to tie the wrists and ankles together. The kit always has extra ties.

Last winter, I decided that it was wasteful to throw the extra ties out, so I began bringing them home with me. This Spring I used them to stake my tomatoes. When cut up, they make great plant ties.

The problem is that every time I look at my vegetable garden, I get depressed. I won't be doing this again next year. The tomatoes also aren't doing that well. I'm not superstitious, but I'm starting to wonder if there is a connection.

How Many Blondes Does It Take To Lose A Car?

This is my mother and me.


The view from our room.

My mother and I take a little vacation together every year. This year we chose Big Bear, where she grew up.

We had a great time and did silly things like have ice cream for breakfast and dinner. (Mom raised me right.) It was one of those rare vacations where everything goes right, except for the losing of things, such as the car, a set of keys, a hat and a bra. I wish that I could blame Mom, but except for the bra, it was all my fault. (Don't ask about the bra.) Everything was eventually found, except for my hat.

How many blondes does it take to lose a car? Just one, if it's me.

My Patio At Night

This is where I spent most of my free time, before I learned what a blog is. Now I'm being held prisoner inside the house by my computer.

(The water trail on the bricks leads from the pond to inside the house. Golden Retrievers love water.)

I Have Never Licked A Toad

In today's Los Angeles Times, I was reading Steve Harvey's column, "Only in LA." Some antiquated laws were mentioned, such as:

In Chico, detonating a nuclear device within city limits will result in a $500 fine.

In Palm Springs, it is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of 4 and 6 p.m.

In Los Angeles, toads may not be licked.

Because I live under LA jurisdiction, it was the toad licking law that got my attention. Not that I have ever actually licked a toad, (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) but does anyone know the statute of limitations on toad licking? (Not that I have anything to worry about.) :)

Honorary Golden Retriever

I always tell people that I have three Golden Retrievers. It's not quite accurate. I actually have only two and a half Golden Retrievers. Tom Tom, pictured here, is half little white frou frou dog.

I found him on the internet at a local animal shelter. When I saw his photo, it was love at first sight and I had to have him. I was later shocked to discover that he's not much bigger than a cat. (I only *do* big dogs). But, it didn't matter, because I was already in love. I was lucky to find him. He's perfect in every way. (except for when he barks all night)

Curled Clipboards

What is that bright, shiny object? It's an official hospital clipboard. Notice how the edges curl up? They all do that. It's a challenge to write on them because they will not lay flat on a desk.

So, what happened to them? They got dropped by clumsy nurses, such as myself. There's no point in asking for replacements. We'll just drop those too.

One More Thing To Fix

At least Kelsey's happy.

It's Not As Bad As It Looks

It's just mulberry juice.

Naked In My Car

It started out like any other night. I went to bed and fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up naked in my car. I can explain.

In the middle of the night, my dog Kelsey had an epileptic seizure and lost control of his bladder in our bed. Yes, it's his bed too. Anyway, I had to find another place to sleep. The couch hurt my back, the floor was too hard, so I climbed in my car.

The back of my station wagon is one big dog bed. It was reasonably comfortable, but too hot with my bathrobe on, so I removed it. The next morning, I woke up naked in my car.