A New Kind Of Dysfunction

While reading my patient's history, I found a condition that was knew to me, rectal dysfunction. Perhaps, it was a fancy term for incontinence of stool. I showed it to my coworkers and they had never heard of rectal dysfunction either.

While charting my assessment of the patient, I saw that the prior nurse had written under the GI section that the patient had rectal dysfunction. I burst out laughing because I had figured out what the doctor really dictated, the Viagra in the medication section was a tip off. The doctor dictated erectile dysfunction and the transcriber heard rectal dysfunction.

That's probably going to remain in his medical history forever and everyone who treats him in the future is probably going to think that there is something wrong with his rectum.

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My computer keeps telling me boooooo! Last week it was saying Happy Halloween. It's always saying something at odd intervals. I have an odd computer.

Rat, Cat Or Possum

One of my coworkers was waiting for the elevator when a rat happened to walk by. It was almost as big as a cat and was dark grey, almost black. My coworker screamed and the rat took off running.

She reported the incident to the house supervisor who decided that this was a matter for security. That wouldn't have been my first choice, but I guess there is a certain logic in calling them because they do handle intruders. I wonder if the rat' s arms would fit in hand cuffs?

Security was busy trying to find the rat when the supervisor called the nurse to ask if she was sure that it was a rat. Perhaps it was a possum. Or a cat. My coworker said that she was sure it was a rat. They have big rats back in her country and she knows a rat when she sees one.

I'm not at all sure what difference it makes whether it was a rat, cat or possum. Would it be okay if the critter was a cat or a possum? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that there are health department rules about having possums or cats wandering around in hospitals. Perhaps if they catch something furry, they could do a line up and let my coworker identify it, just to make sure what it is.

The supervisor called a second time to make sure that it was really a rat. In a loud voice that could be heard by the patients, my coworker exclaimed, "It was a rat!!! I know a rat when I see one and it was a rat!" Good. Now the patients know too.

The New Dish

After waiting half the day for the satellite guy, he finally came. Looking at the dish mounted on the top ridge of my two story house, he didn't look pleased. He said that he was worried he would break the tiles on my roof by walking on it and wondered if it would be okay if he mounted the new dish on the roof overhang in front of the garage. I said okay.

It's true that tiles can break if walked on, but the guy who mounted the first dish managed okay. I'm thinking that he is afraid of heights and was using the tiles as an excuse. It must be awful to be afraid of heights and have the job on installing satellite dishes on roofs.

It was also more trouble for him. Rather than just replacing the dish, he had to mount a new assembly. He was racing with the sun and finished right before it turned dark.

I now have two satellite dishes on my roof, both of which are visible from the street. I wish I had thought of that before I gave him permission to change the location of the dish.

Along with the new receiver, I also got a new remote. The last one got chewed up by MacKenzie. I ordered another one, but could never quite figure out how to program it, so I had to use the TV remote to turn the TV on and off and adjust the volume and the satellite remote to change channels. Now, one remote does it all. It's nice when life gets simpler.

The difference in the picture with HD is huge. Some of the actors are more attractive than I realized and others simply look awful. Every little flaw can be seen. And all of the actresses are wearing too much make up. The heavy theatrical make up is fine for regular TV, but with HD, they look like clowns or drag queens.

Please Come Back

One of my coworkers is on a stress leave and it's all because another coworker broke up with her boyfriend.

We didn't know about the break-up at first, but had noticed that the boyfriend was calling frequently asking for her. She had changed her working hours, so when we said she was not here, we meant it. He figured we were hiding her.

When our secretary happened to answer the phone and say for the latest time that his girlfriend was not here, he said that he was going to "come down there" and do I'm not sure what. The secretary is now terrified that he is going to show up at work and hunt her down, so she will not come to work.

We now know it was a bad break-up and that he has been stalking and threatening his now former girlfriend and she is hiding from him. That is why she suddenly changed her working hours.

That leaves all of us in some danger. We have no idea if he is just making empty threats or if he is planning to come here and start shooting. I've developed a tiny twitch next to my eye. I'm not sure if the recent fires are responsible for that or if it's this latest development. I'm not really worried about this nut-job, though, I just want our secretary back. I need her. I'm a basket case with our new computer system and not having anyone to help me.

It would be nice if we had some way to screen visitors. Anyone can just walk in off the street and come visit us. The hospital is handling this threat by having a guard walk through our unit every hour or so. A lot can happen in an hour. Somehow, it's not reassuring that a minimum wage, unarmed security guard will walk by occasionally. How about giving us a real guard and having him sit at the front desk? Maybe then our secretary would come back.

A Lost Key

My worst problem right now is that the key to my gate blew away. Given all of the recent fires and tragedies faced by others, a lost key is a minor problem, but it is annoying. Tomorrow is trash day and I can't get the trash cans out to the curb. The cans are full. Where am I going to put next week's trash?

Also, tomorrow is gardener day and my yard needs a major cleanup. The lawn isn't even visible underneath all of the debris that blew off the trees. The gardeners can't get through the gate, so I'll have to wait another week for the clean up, unless I can get them to climb over the wall with their equipment.

I can buy a new lock, but I don't know how I'll get the existing lock off. I hope Lindsay knows what to do. It does come in handy having a boyfriend, sometimes.

The wind also did something to my satellite dish. All of the major TV networks have been lost. That means I've been going to bed every night without Conan or Craig to put me to sleep. I already had an appointment to get the HD thingy installed this Friday, which requires a new dish, so hopefully all of the problems can be taken care of at once.

It's nice to have such mundane problems again. Life is good.

The Last Straw

It's not that the third new fire in my area in three days was a threat to my house, it's just that I had had enough. I needed to evacuate for emotional reasons. There must be some nut going around starting all of these fires and as long as the high winds continue, I'm not going to feel safe.

I made the decision to leave at the last minute before leaving for work. I was listening to the news and heard about the new fire burning next to the 14 near the Newhall pass. That was it. I called my parents and said that I would drop off the dogs on the way to work. I jumped in the car and left.

I had a good view of the fire from the freeway. Several helicopters and two fixed-wing aircraft were doing water drops. Two news helicopters were filming the action. Fire trucks were lined up on the fire roads. That's the kind of response that is nice to see.

The fire was put out quickly and I will return with the dogs tonight to my house. The fire department is really good at what they do when they have the resources to attack a fire.

It later occurred to me that I had nothing but my dogs, my purse, one of my cars and the scrubs on my back, but that was enough. Had the fire gotten out of control and prevented me from returning home tonight, then I would have just bought what I needed. As long as my dogs are safe, I'm fine.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

I thought that I was out of the woods. The fire in Agua Dulce did travel the 10 miles straight to Canyon Country, just like I feared would happen. But once it got here, planes and helicopters were pulled from the Malibu fire to fight it. It would have been nice if they had used all of their resources before the fire got so big that it threatened the tens of thousands of people who live here, but who am I to judge?

Anyway, only a few homes were lost and I was lucky that the fire reached Canyon Country about three miles downwind from my house. It was blowing in the opposite direction and I never even smelled any smoke.

It occurred to me to drop off the dogs at my parent's house before going to work today, but it seemed unnecessary. The fire had moved so many miles away and couldn't possibly back-track that far.

Driving to work, I noticed that Magic Mountain was either on fire or was very close to the fire. From my perspective, it was hard to tell which it was. I should have cared, but with all that was going on, it just didn't matter.

At work, with all of the TV stations covering the fires, it was easy to keep track of the fire situation. The only warning I had that something might be wrong at my house was someone yelling out to me at the end of the shift that I might want to check on the status of the 14 freeway. Someone coming to work had called in late because she was stuck on the 14 due to a fire. The person who took the call didn't know what part of the 14 was closed, but I figured it was just in Agua Dulce fire and wasn't concerned.

Getting in my car, I found a news channel to listen to. It said that there was a new fire in Canyon Country and that the 14 freeway was closed between Sand and Shadow Pines, which just happens to be where my house is. The fire had already torn through a mobile home tract and was out of control.

I felt a panic attack coming on. I don't care about any of my possessions except for my dogs. I had to rescue them and wasn't sure I would be able to reach them. If the streets were barricaded, I was thinking of various routes, by either car or foot, to get home. Driving close to 90 miles an hour, I was having chest pains and shortness of breath. I can see how people sometimes go to emergency rooms thinking that they are having a heart attack, when it is just anxiety.

Driving down a hill into Santa Clarita, I could see a number of fires, but the one I cared about was the one directly ahead, burning on my hill. I couldn't tell exactly where the fire was in relation to my house, but it was close enough to cause me to start shaking and hyperventilating again.

The freeway was open but my usual off ramp was closed. Fire was burning up Sand Canyon less than a mile from my house. If the fire had started at Shadow Pines and burned to Sand Canyon, my house would have been in the direct path. I drove a little ways and passed several fire trucks stopped on the freeway working on a fire in the riverbed.

Smoke was thick and I still couldn't see my street. Coming around a bend, things looked normal. I can't see my house from the freeway, but the surrounding neighborhood looked good and there were no fire trucks or police cars in sight. That is a good sign.

I was finally able to get off the freeway and back-track to my house. It was fine. There were some more tree limbs on the ground from the hurricane force winds, but it didn't matter one bit. I was never so happy to see my dogs. Now I'm debating if I should go to bed or go stay at my parent's house until the wind storm is over. I've had enough.

In The Line Of Fire

I spent some time on the roof pruning pine trees today. It should have been done a long time ago, but I wasn't motivated until today. What got me off my butt was the view from my house. It's hard to ignore black smoke on the horizon, especially when it's blowing your way.

It's the Agua Dulce fire that is making me nervous. I was watching the fire on TV as it grew exponentially. There was only one lonely helicopter fighting the fire.

The Malibu fire is getting most of the attention and resources because Malibu is more densely built up, plus it is where the rich, famous and powerful reside. I'm sure that officials would deny that being rich, famous and powerful is a factor in deciding where to allocate scarce fire fighting forces, but I'm too much of a cynic to believe otherwise.

Agua Dulce is about 10 miles away with nothing between me and the fire but brush. I sure hope they decide to send a souper scooper our way. With 9 fires burning in Southern California, things are stretched pretty thin.

The winds have been unbelievable. It was hard to sleep last night with all of the noise, but one good thing happened. I have a couple of trees that I was thinking of hiring trimmers to prune for me. That's no longer necessary. The wind did a good job of removing the extra branches near the top. I'm going to get more sun in my yard now. And if my trees and house catch fire, then my shade problem will be entirely taken care of. There's always a bright side.

Warning Lights

I had just left work and was driving very slowly through the parking garage because of all of its speed bumps. It's not a good neighborhood and there was no one else around as far as I could tell, so I wasn't happy when I heard what I thought was someone trying to open my door. There were several rapid clicks like someone was pulling on the door handle. Instinctively, I stepped on the gas.

The clicks continued. No one could run that fast. Was I dragging someone? I didn't see anyone. Then the pieces of the puzzle came together. I opened my door and slammed it shut. The clicking sound stopped.

I had once again driven off with a door not quite closed. I did think it odd that the interior lights did not go off as usual, forcing me to manually turn them off. My guess is that the clicking sound was my door trying to lock itself.

But I noticed something else that wasn't good; my car has no idiot lights. You would think that after driving the car for a year and a half, I would have noticed that before now, but it escaped my notice. There are a bunch of gauges, but no red lights to alert me that there is a problem. Gauges, in theory, are preferable to idiot lights because they give early notice that a problem is starting, but they are not much good for idiots, like me, who don't look at gauges.

Now that I know my car hasn't been dumbed down, I'm going to have to be smarter and look at the gauges occasionally. How annoying.

Just Too Cute

My favorite part of the day is sitting on the patio with a cup of tea and reading the newspaper. It was another beautiful, sunny day and I was basking in my own little paradise. I got up to go into the kitchen and came back to find a dog on the patio table. The paper was shredded and the dog was drinking my tea. It was so cute I could hardly stand it.

The Revolving Door

The homeless guy left. The doctors got together and decided to cut off the narcotics, so there was no reason to stay any longer, but the story is a bit more complicated than that. First, he got dressed in his own clothes and said that he was going downstairs to smoke. A nurse asked him to wait a few minutes and said that she would take him down. He said okay and the next thing anyone knew, he was gone. We figured he wasn't coming back. The appropriate people were notified and we were all happy. We were glad to be rid of someone who scared us with his demands for drugs.

Some time went by and then the elevator opened and the homeless guy stepped out. He was back and he wanted drugs. We refused to give him any and so after some arguing, he said that he was leaving again.

We went through the motions of trying to convince him to stay, but out hearts weren't in it. I was standing at the elevator with him when the door opened. He started to step inside and I sure wasn't going to tackle him. I quickly cut off his name band and said good-bye. Getting his name band off was a top priority. We don't want problem discharges with homeless people to be traced back to our hospital.

The proper people were again notified. And then, guess what? The elevator door opened and he stepped out again. If the secretary had been a little faster getting him off the computer, we would not have been allowed to take him back. He would have had to gone back to ER and started over with his quest for drugs. Because he was still on our computer, we had to take him back.

The supervisor went into his room and then came back out with her eyes big. She said that he was complaining of chest pain that felt like he was being stabbed by two knives.

We were not impressed. We had heard that one before, only his chest pain before was in his lower abdomen. He had a full work-up and cardiac problems were ruled out, along with various ailments that might cause tummy pain. Now, the supervisor wanted to start over again with this nonsense.

Sighing, I called the doctor. Sighing, the doctor agreed to come and look at the patient, in the meantime, an EKG was ordered. The doctor had a rather loud discussion with the patient asking him to be honest about his symptoms so that we would know how to treat him. The patient stuck to his story and demanded dilaudid to ease the chest pain.

Someone needs to tell the patient to lie better and say it's chronic back pain. For that we would would just give the dilaudid. For a potential heart attack, the protocol is different and doesn't involve dilaudid. It creates work for us and doesn't get him what he wants. Don't drug-seekers ever talk to each other and share what complaints work best for getting drugs?

When the doctor refused pain meds and wanted to do a full cardiac work-up, the patient started calling him a f...ing bastard, at the top of his lungs. The doctor didn't react and continued to read the patient's chart. We called security because we were starting to get scared. The patient was pacing around all wide-eyed.

The patient then said something about the doctor being a Jew. The doctor calmly asked him if he had something against Jews. The patient said yes. Another argument ensued. Security arrived and the doctor told the patient to go wait in his room. The patient refused. The doctor told him to either leave the hospital or go wait in his room. The patient chose to leave. He was handed a form to sign releasing us of liability, he signed it and then left.

This time, the secretary got his name off the computer immediately. He could not come back, not that he didn't try. Later, the supervisor saw him getting on the elevator to come back here, so she stopped him and told him that he must go to ER if he wanted any more treatment. That is the last that we have seen of him for now. But he will be back. He comes to our ER several times a week.

After he left, we only had two patients on the floor with three nurses and an aide to take care of them. And, we were busy. It's amazing how one or two patients can take up all of your time.

Too Close For Comfort

One of my coworkers was on her way to pick up her son from work late Friday night. It was raining and traffic was creeping along in the Newhall pass when suddenly, there was a loud boom. The ground shook slightly. Another boom quickly followed. Traffic came to a halt.

She looked in the direction of the noise and saw trucks going in a tunnel. The booms and shaking continued. She couldn't imagine what was going on. A red passenger car with a kid in the back seat drove in the tunnel and a few seconds later, fire exploded out of the tunnel opening. The fire was about a hundred feet high and my coworker could feel the heat. She did what anyone would do; she got out of her car and ran in the opposite direction. The other people on the road did the same.

There was no hope of helping the people in the tunnel. The heat and flames were overwhelming. Someone in the car next to hers ran and left one of her kids behind. My coworker grabbed the kid and carried him. Once everyone ran what felt like a safe distance, they huddled together in the rain and cried.

It wasn't long before the fire department arrived and started yelling at everyone to get back in their cars. The fire department's concern was that the tunnel was going to collapse due to the weight of all of the cars parked on top of it and they wanted everyone to move their cars, now.

If I had been there and given that piece of information about the tunnel collapsing, I think I would have tossed them my keys and said, "You move my car." My coworker was shaking so badly she had trouble getting the key in the ignition, but eventually, she was able to make a U turn and drive back on the wrong side of the road. The entire time, she was expecting the ground to collapse beneath her car and drop her into the inferno.

Because you're hearing her story, you know that she got home safely. By the time she picked up her son and got home, though, it was six in the morning. The drive took an extra five hours.

I'm not looking forward to trying to get to the Valley over the next few days, but at least I wasn't in the tunnel or anywhere near the tunnel when the accidents happened. When bad things happen, I like to think about others who have it worse to keep things in perspective.

But, on the other hand, I'm in the middle of planting my Fall garden and my nursery is along the detour route. Not wanting to get caught in that jam, I can't get the plants I need until the freeway opens, but the plants need to go into the ground now. I could go to other nurseries, but they don't have the plants in the color I want. Is it too much to ask for white, tall snapdragons? I don't want mixed colors. I want white and I want them tall. Woe is me. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Traffic And Watch Dogs

Driving to work, my first clue that something was wrong were the helicopters orbiting up ahead. Passing TV satellite news trucks was also a bad sign. Next, I passed a sign saying three lanes on the 5 were closed. I later learned that what they meant to say was that the 5 was closed.

Traffic was a mess and the cars that wanted to travel on the 5 were being diverted to the 14, which is where I was. I would soon be merging with the 5 and had no idea what was going to happen.

The photo is of what happened last night. It was a bad combination of rain, a curving road, a tunnel and a bunch of trucks. It isn't known if the freeway on top of the tunnel is safe to drive on, so it will be shut down for now. It doesn't directly affect me, the accident is slightly north of where I drive the 5, but with so many cars having to find alternate routes, traffic is bad.

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When I got home, I discovered that the remote that opens the garage door had a dead battery. I parked my car in the driveway and tried to come in the front door. It wasn't easy because it was dark and I couldn't remember which way to hold the key and both locks were bolted. After a couple of minutes, I finally opened the door and, to my surprise, there were no dogs. It was completely quiet.

Normally, I'm greeted by four very happy, bouncing dogs at the door. I looked around and two dogs were up the stairs, looking at me in a mirror. One dog was under a table and another dog was standing on the couch. Once they saw it was me, they all came running and gave me the usual boisterous reception. It's nice to know that I have such brave watch dogs.

Another Homeless Drug-Seeker

We have five patients and four nurses in my unit. It's been pretty much like that the entire week. So, why are nurses complaining? They're worried. They are thinking along the lines that if business is slow, we might go out of business. That is so silly. Don't they understand that we are an HMO?



I've been explaining all week how HMO's work. We are really just a big insurance company that provides its own health care. Customers pay premiums. If they get sick, they get treated. If they don't get sick, we just keep the money. So, if the hospital is empty, we are raking in the dough. That is a reason to celebrate. That means our employer can afford to give us raises and we have less work to do.



I don't expect this to last, though. A couple of the surgeons are on vacation, so the source of much of our business is only temporarily gone. In the meantime, I'm happy about the staffing.



There is one patient that is driving us crazy. Isn't that always the case? This guy is homeless and drug-seeking. The two seem to go together like soup and sandwich or ice cream and hot fudge sauce. His drug of choice is dilaudid and he wants it, badly. Other then being homeless and addicted to drugs, there isn't anything in particular wrong with him. I'm not even sure why he is here. We're not treating him for anything. His diagnosis is suicidal ideation, but we don't have a 72 hour hold on him, we don't have a sitter watching him and no effort is being made to get him psych care. He is simply here and we're giving him drugs.



He goes downstairs to smoke a couple of times an hour and no one follows him. If they really think he's suicidal, then why are we allowing him to walk around outside by himself? None of this makes much sense to me, but then what do I know?



If the admitting doctor truly thought that the patient was suicidal, then we should have put a hold on him. If he's not suicidal, then he shouldn't have been admitted. In the meantime, he is driving us nuts with his demands for more and more dilaudid. He keps insisting that we call the doctor to get him more drugs and then the doctor gets annoyed because we keep calling him.



The doctor on call happened be on the floor to see another patient and the homeless guy saw him and came out of the room to demand more drugs from him. The doctor said the usual, "I'll give you one more dose, but no more tonight." So, the patient gets his dose and 20 minutes later is demanding more. The doctor then orders another dose and again says that this is the last dose. It goes on like this all evening. The patient knows it means nothing when a doctor says that this is the last dose.

The patient has been threatening us with walking out and getting drunk if we don't get him his dilaudid fast enough. That is so funny, like we would really be upset if he decided to leave.

The Luau

I don't think it's possible to go to Hawaii without going to a luau. Sure they're cheesy and the food is generally bad, but I still like to go. This time I got lucky, though. The food was actually good. Of course, I stayed away from the poi and that disgusting cooked pig that they pull out of the ground. I got steak and chicken, so it was possible for me to pretend that it wasn't really a dead animal I was eating. There was also all of the booze you could drink, but they were watered down. Five mai tais would normally kill me. At most I had only a one beer-type buzz. The other people at our table were interesting. A couple from Beijing were on their honeymoon, as was a couple from Detroit. Another couple, who had nine children, came from Salt Lake City. I figured that they were Mormon, except that they were keeping up with me in drinking mai tais. I didn't want to ask what was up with that. The Chinese couple fascinated me. The husband earned his living by buying and selling companies. I could see that happening in Hong Kong, but I didn't know that Beijing was that capitalistic. They were both fluent in English, well-educated and appeared well-off. The rest of their honeymoon was going to be spent in downtown L.A. and Las Vegas. The other people at the table were horrified about their going to L.A. They imagined gang shootings going on all around them. We assured them that they were going to a nice, safe area. People are so funny. Doesn't everyone know that it's east L.A. and south-central L.A. where you can get shot for no particular reason? Downtown is where the rich and homeless people hang-out, but not with each other. Crime is minimal there, unless you count peeing on the street. Anyway, this is us above, after we got our lei greetings. That to me means a flower lei, but to the luau people, it meant a string of shells. As you can see, I'm getting a collection of them. I guess if I want a flower lei, I need to buy my own.

Above is a photo from the show. Sorry that it's blurry. My camera can't handle movement, especially in dim lighting. This was the funniest of all of the photos.

Afterwards, the dancers came out so that people could get photos. That's Lindsay with a hula dancer. I also got my photo taken with a male dancer, but I won't post it. I had no idea that my dress turns transparent when a camera flash hits it.

The Helicopter Ride

Helicopter ride day was a good one. Here we are getting ready to take off.

Below is Molokai. Parts of Jurassic Park were filmed here. It has the tallest sea cliffs in the world, according to the pilot.

Molokai is known as the Friendly Island. It's not politically correct, but I think of it as the leper island. The old colony is still there, but people now live there strictly by choice. We did not fly over it.

Below is less rugged Maui. The waves break so far out and give such long rides, I can see why surfers like to surf there.

The last picture was taken after the ride. The pilot was conservative and did nothing especially scary, unlike some other pilots I have ridden with. Music accompanied the ride, but he didn't swoop or spin in time with the music, like others I've seen. That was fine. There was no need to go to bed afterwards to recover.

The only bad thing was that a DVD of the ride wasn't available. The equipment malfunctioned. It was such a short ride, it would have been nice to re-live it a few more times.

Haleakala

The plan was to ride bikes down the face of the volcano. The plan had to be changed because of a broken finger. The night before we left for Maui, I tripped over some boards in Lindsay's yard, fell and broke a finger.



If there had been foot brakes on the bikes, there wouldn't have been a problem, but I could not grip hand brakes. Lindsay called the various tour companies, but none of them had bikes with foot brakes. He then morphed into a lawyer and with his usual calm voice, asked if it was correct that they hadn't made any provisions for people with hand disabilities. The poor people talking to him would hesitate and then answer yes. He would say thank you, and then hang up. Lawyers can be pretty scary sometimes.



Lindsay spoke to the concierge at our hotel and he said that it was a safety issue, foot brakes would burn out going down a hill. I'm not sure why foot brakes burn out and hand brakes don't, but that ended all talk of lawsuits. It's probably a moot point anyway. By the time we come back, my finger will be healed, although all of the bike tour companies may be out of business.



Three people have died this year riding down the volcano, so all bike tours have been suspended for 60 days. It is unknown if after that, the bike tours will be allowed.



So, we drove to Haleakala. To see the sunrise, it is necessary to leave the hotel by 2:30 am. That is insane. We went later in the day and saw nothing but clouds and drizzle. I'm glad that I didn't get up in the middle of the night to see clouds and drizzle.



It was also cold. It was 53 degrees, windy and wet at times.

We hoped that if we sat and waited long enough, the clouds would pass and we would be able to see the ocean. It didn't happen. We just got cold. It was still a good journey. Maybe in the future we can ride down the volcano and risk going over the side like the others.

The Movie Star Dress

One of the movie studios decided to do some housecleaning and get rid of some of its wardrobe. A sort of garage sale was held and my mom went. My mom bought this dress for me.

They refused to say who wore the dress or in what picture it was worn, which is kind of frustrating. I don't know if my dress was worn by an extra or a real gosh-darn movie star. I want to know!

It's a nice dress. A gold chain surrounds the neck, it is fully lined and has a full, short skirt that is good for twirling in. That is important in case you didn't know.

There is just one problem. It is a size 4 and I'm not. I can only take shallow breaths.

Oh well, I can suffer for the sake of beauty. But I would like to know the history behind the dress. Does it look familiar to anyone?

Snorkeling At Molokini

I wasn't too sure that I wanted to do this. Jumping off a boat in the ocean and swimming around for an hour in deep water scared me. I'm a good swimmer, but deep water worries me because who knows what is lurking down below. I also wasn't sure that I could tread water for that long and being cold was also a concern. I hate being cold and wet.



That is me, below, getting ready for my first jump. Don't I look sick?






We went to Molokini, pictured below, for our first swim. It is an atoll, nine miles off the coast of Maui. It would have been another Hawaiian island, but it rose from the sea during an ice age and the weight of the ice pressing down on it kept it small. At least, that is what the captain told us. I never knew that glaciers ever covered Hawaii, even during ice ages. When I get around to it, I'll have to research that.

They let us rent wetsuit tops to help with the cold problem. Of course, I got one. The water was 78 dgrees, which is 8 degrees colder than what is comfortable. The top helped, but it was loose and water poured inside. By the time the hour swim was over, my hands were completely numb and I was shivering. At least floating wasn't a problem. The suit kept me bouyant. They also gave us noodles to hold onto.

Other than that, it was one of the best experiences of my life. The water was about 150 feet deep and crystal clear all the way down to the coral reef bottom. The water under the surface was sapphire blue and brilliantly colored fish swam around us. It was like swimming in an aquarium, not that I've ever had a desire to swim in an aquariam. I won't swim with my koi, but this was fun. The tiny fish didn't scare me and there were no big ones. Under the water, it is a completely different world, almost like visiting another planet. It was so peaceful, quiet and colorful.

This photo, above, was taken after the first swim. Don't I look relieved?

Above, is the second place we went snorkeling. It's a favorite spot for green sea turtles. I saw 6 of them, although, it's possible that I saw the same one six times. It's not like they're wearing name tags to tell them apart.

They were cute, but they didn't look especially green to me. The captain said that they are called green turtles because they are green on the inside. I'm glad that I have no first hand knowledge of that.

I bought a green sea turtle necklace as a souvenir and it is bright green on the outside. Even though not an accurate depiction, it seems better than a grey turtle with green insides.

On the catamaran cruise, which had an ungodly 6 a.m. check in time, we were fed breakfast, snacks and a barbecued lunch. Marine biologists were our lecturers, life guards and chefs. On the trip back, it was all the mai tai's you could drink. The marine biologists were also our bartenders. It's not everyday that scientists in bikinis take care of you.

It was such a great day. Don't we look happy? The photo was taken after my second and Lindsay's third mai tai. We were feeling good.

Mama's Fish House

On road to Hana day, we had reservations at Mama's Fish House for that evening. It's considered to be Maui's finest restaurant, so we packed some nice clothes to change into after Hana. Going back to the hotel to change wasn't an option because it was at least 45 minutes in the opposite direction.



Hana didn't take as long as we had expected, so we arrived at the restaurant 2 hours early. I wasn't at all sure that I still wanted to go in. We were DIRTY. Our shoes were covered in reddish-brown mud which was splashed all the way up to our knees. We were still damp from the hikes in the rain and Lindsay's hair was frizzy and mine was flat. We looked like refugees and I was still stressed out from the drive.



Lindsay still wanted to at least go look at the place. I wasn't happy. They only had valet parking, so changing in the car wasn't an option. We packed what we needed while the valets waited.



The location was exquisite. It is on a private beach and the walk was lined with flowers and tiki torches. It was a fairly long walk and as we got closer, there were buckets of lotus blossoms. I'm a nut when it comes to fresh flowers and so I was in nut heaven. But still, we were so dirty.



Our reservation was for a table next to the ocean, but it wouldn't be available for another two hours. They offered us another table. While we debated what to do, we sat on a bench outside. An employee from inside, came out and offered us some water. We followed him, but first he wanted to show us something. We walked across a courtyard and he showed us some private dressing rooms. Perhaps, he had over-heard my concern about our appearance.



That was the sign for us to stay. We were able to clean up and change in privacy. Looking and feeling much better, we walked to our table.



The service at the restaurant was first-rate. The food was excellent and the architecture was incredible. It was built to look like a series of umbrellas with occasional colonial touches, such as vintage window frames, but no walls. It was fun trying to find the loading bearing walls, headers and everything else necessary to keep a building from collapsing.



My only complaint was the price. Dinner for two with no alcohol, no appetizers, one shared dessert and only median priced entrees came to one hundred and fifty dollars. The next night, we dined in an equally nice restaurant for half the price.



After dinner, we wandered around the grounds. Sorry about the fuzzy pictures, but it was dark and the exposure time was too long to hold the camera steady. I really need to buy a tripod.

Fine Dining In Hana

Hana is a small town with few places to eat, so many people pack a picnic for the trip. We didn't. It just didn't occur to us.

Once there, we saw only three places to get food: an over-priced restaurant, a general store and Thai food that someone was selling from their front yard.

Lindsay wanted the Thai food, but I was scared. I don't buy tacos off the back of trucks or Thai food from people's front yards. It was decided that I would get my lunch from the general store and then we would get his Thai food.

At the general store, there was a big vat of chili brewing at the front. I decided to be brave and order it. It was slopped on top of a carton of rice and handed to me. I've never had chili on rice, but it was surprisingly good. It just needed to be spicier for my taste. Milk and a banana completed the meal.

On the way to the Thai food place, we saw the tent pictured below. A sign nailed to a tree said that they were selling plate lunches. What that means is you get a scoop of rice, a vegetable, maybe macaroni salad and a few meat dishes to choose from. That's exactly the kind of thing that Lindsay likes to eat, so we stopped there instead.

That's Lindsay waiting in line above. I don't know if the health department inspects tent restaurants or food sold from front yards, but the food was good, cheap and popular with the locals.

Pictured above is our rental car in the parking lot. It's not everyday that I get to park on a lawn. That's frowned upon where I live.

Above is the dining room. It consisted of one picnic table and two school chairs with attached desks. It was raining on and off, so we ate in the car, like everyone else.

Not that it was an option here, but people who only eat from chain restaurants are missing out. A little adventure is what makes traveling fun.

The Great Escape

The scariest part of my vacation was picking up the dogs from my parent's house. It was after one a.m., the dogs were loaded in my station wagon and I started driving up the hill. At the top of the hill, I noticed a red warning light on the dashboard. The rear hatch was ajar. I pulled over, got out of the car and discovered to my horror that the door was completely open. I did a quick head count and one dog was missing. MacKenzie was gone.

I closed the door and took off running back down the hill. Trying not to scream, I gently called out her name, not wanting her to think that she was in trouble.

I saw my father driving up the hill, still in his pajamas. I flagged him down and told him what happened. He said that he saw the hatch open as I drove away and that was why he came after me. He slowly kept driving while I ran.

Part way down the hill, I heard toe nails clicking on the pavement. MacKenzie ran by me on the other side of the street. I didn't want to spook her by running, so I just walked and squatted on the ground whenever she turned to look at me. She changed directions and crossed the road several times before I could catch her. I petted her and told her she was a good girl, even though it was a lie.

Walking her back to the car, I passed my father as he drove by and told him that I got her. He drove home after making sure that I got her loaded safely in the car.

On the way home, I was shaking badly and my stomach was starting to hurt. It was almost two a.m. by the time I got home and then I had to spend some serious time in the bathroom. Stress is hard on my digestive system.

I can't figure out why MacKenzie runs from me like that. I've never had a dog before who did that. Tommy and Kelsey were also in the back, but they were hugging the seat in front of them for dear life. MacKenzie may have fallen out by accident and thank goodness that she wasn't injured, but I don't understand the running away part.

At least I don't have to worry about the Cocker escaping. While unpacking my suitcase, I found him in the suitcase. I think that means next time, he wants to go on vacation with me.

Road To Heaven And Hell

The road to Hana is known as the road to Heaven. The way back is known as the way to Hell, I think mainly because all of the more than 600 turns are on the outside edge of the cliff. It's a long way down and some sections are only one lane wide. It made for some tight squeezing past cars with no shoulder to allow for a margin of error. Lindsay drove the Heaven road and I drove the Hell route. Both ways were driven in torrential rain. I wonder for how many years I will have nightmares over this?

It didn't occur to us to bring an umbrella or rain coats. Even though the conditions were bad, this was Hana day, so we just got wet. What else can you do? We were on a schedule. We kept the heater on in the car to try and warm up between stops.

The rain did have one advantage. The waterfalls were huge, raging torrents of water and there must have been hundreds of them. Below are just three.

We had wanted to go swimming in Seven Pools. It is a series of seven water falls with a pool at the bottom of each one. On this day, instead of seven pools, there was just one raging creek roaring past on its way to the sea. The pools were off limits. I guess the Park Service is tired of scooping out the bodies that get washed down the falls and out to sea.

The trip was worth it. Wild guavas, bananas and papayas lined the road, along with flowers that are only seen growing in greenhouses here. There are few places I've been that are prettier. And, it only took us 9 hours to drive there and back. The road is less than 40 miles long.