Blonde's Geometry Test

Life

Believe in yourself
Share a joke with friends
Remain calm...even when it seems hopeless
Always try to help a friend in need

Be weird whenever you have the chance

Be brave... but it's okay to be afraid sometimes

Study hard

Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number

Meet new people even if they look different to you

Take lots of naps

Don't waste food

Relax

Try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Work together as a team

Fall in love with someone

Express yourself creatively

Be conscious of your appearance

Love someone with all of your heart

Share with friends

Watch your step

It will get better

Hold onto good friends; they are few and far between

Close your eyes and smile at least once a day

Thanks, Sarah

The Purse

Stupid Blonde. Today, I was doing some Christmas shopping and I had my arms loaded with stuff. I wanted to try on some jackets, so I set everything down. (The jackets weren't for me, OKAY?)

When I was done, I loaded my arms back up and went to the checkstand. The line was long and when I finally got to the front of the line, I realized that my purse was missing. A shot of fear raced through me. I figured that I forgot to pick it back up after trying on the jackets.

I went back to the jacket section and it wasn't there. Trying not to panic, I started re-tracing my steps through the store. It was gone.

My primary concern was how I was going to get home. The store was not within walking distance and even if I knew how to get home by bus, I had no money. I didn't want to call my parents, because grown women shouldn't be doing that and my friends were at work.

I went to the front desk and asked if they had a lost and found. They had one, but no purses were in it. They suggested that I look in the trash can in the bathroom. I didn't know where it was, so one of the employees started to take me there when we ran into the store manager. Hearing my story, she looked down and asked me if that was my purse. It was resting on a big box of shoes. I forgot that I had been trying on shoes and had set my purse down. (Okay, the shoes were for me.)

Driving home it occurred to me that I have a car key hidden on the outside of the car for such blonde moments. But the problem with that is I have to remember that there is a hidden key. For a stupid blonde like me that is too much to expect.

Drugs In The Workplace

All of my coworkers are drug users. As soon as they arrive for work, they start downing coffee and keep it up late into the evening. No wonder everyone complains about not being able to sleep at night.

I'm a drug user too, but I prefer downers. Chamomile is my drug of choice. It may seem strange to start out my shift with a cup of Sweet Dreams tea, but the last thing I need is to feel hyper. I want something to calm me and put me in a zombie-like state, so that I can better withstand stress. And, unlike my coworkers, I have no trouble falling asleep at night.

Bad Drivers

This is a typical wall at work. Lovely, huh? The damage is caused by beds being moved. We hear frequent jokes about women drivers, but really, the men drivers are just as bad. On a bad day, especially large chunks of plaster and paint tend to get knocked off the walls. Shoving beds around helps relieve stress.

If we're expecting important visitors or patients, a crew will come and plaster and paint, but it never stays nice for long. The rooms are just too damn small to be moving beds in and out of. The door jambs to all of the rooms are especially lovely. There is only an inch or two of clearance, which is not nearly enough when maneuvering a heavy, hard to steer bed. The fire doors to each room no longer have a tight fit. Oh well, if there was a fire, the sprinklers in the rooms would put the fire out. Oh, wait, there aren't any sprinklers in the patient rooms.

This is just one more reason why people look around in horror and disgust when they arrive. Too bad we can't drug the visitors, in addition to the patients, so that it wouldn't bother them so much.

Did Someone Lose A Bra?

This bra was lying on the floor of the parking garage at work. I'm wondering what it was doing there. These are some of my ideas:

1) It fell off.

2) It was uncomfortable and so was removed and dropped.

3) Someone did a striptease.

4) A couple found the cold, dirty parking garage to be conducive to romance.

5) It was lost by a whore.

The only thing that I know for sure is that it's not mine. I could never fill those cups.

Please Don't Leave, Mommy

This is the sad expression on Tom Tom's face when I'm getting ready for work. I wish that I could stay home with him. I don't know who feels sadder, him or me.

Dirty Finger Up The Spout

The purpose of my previous post was to introduce you to our infamous ice machine. That black hole is where the ice or water comes out, depending on what button we press. There is no other source of drinking water in our unit, unless you count the handwashing sinks. This machine is nothing but trouble, with its chronic ice jams and inability to produce enough ice to meet our needs.

A couple of nights ago, it stopped producing ice entirely, so the engineer was called to fix it. I'm not blaming the engineers, it's not their fault, but they are always so dirty. They are as filthy as auto mechanics, all covered with grease.

The first thing he did was stick his grimy finger up the spout. The least he could have done is use the plastic spoon to see if there was an ice jam, but no, he used his disgusting finger.

We know of no way to clean the spout, which presents an ethical dilemma. For my personal drinking water, I'm walking to our sister unit to get it. The patient's water is still coming from our machine. It's too long of a walk to do that for all of the patients. We figure it won't hurt them, it's just gross if you know about it. How evil are we?

Ice Machine

That's my hand holding that plastic spoon shoved up the ice machine at work. That's how we get ice from the machine. Otherwise, it just gets clogged in the shoot. When not in use, we store the spoon on the bottom grill.

One day I saw a visitor walk over to the ice machine with a cup, pick up the spoon and begin shoving it in the machine like a pro. She got her ice, put down the spoon and left without saying a word.

Copper Cure

My mother gave me this copper bracelet for Thanksgiving. What, doesn't everybody exchange presents for Thanksgiving? Anyway, she thought that it might help the arthritis in my hips. I tested it out and I must say that it did indeed help. The bracelet digs into my wrist and causes so much pain that it distracts me from the pain in my hip. For once, an arthritis cure that really works.

Dog Vomit

Dear Kelsey,

It's not your fault that you got sick last night. It's happened to me too and I know how awful it is. But was it really necessary to vomit on the bed?When you started heaving, I tried to gently push you off the bed, but you refused to budge. You do realize that it's your bed too?

WHAT Time Is It?

The band on my nurse Minnie Mouse watch broke at work, so I stuck it in my pocket. There are three clocks on the walls, so I just relied upon them for the time.

What I didn't know is that there had been a power failure earlier in the day and the generator and back-up generator both failed. Two of the wall clocks stopped working when the power failed. The third clock ran on batteries. The battery clock with the correct time was facing another direction, so I was relying upon the clocks that were 40 minutes slow.

It wasn't until after 10 pm that I saw the correct clock and panicked. I hadn't even started passing out the 10 o'clock meds and usually, I'm just about done by then. That may not sound like much, but all of my patients got their medications late and I had to frantically rush around to just barely finish on time. For someone who practically lives and dies by the clock, it was most unpleasant.

This is the third time I know of that both of the generators failed. There is a third generator that supplies power to only the critical sections of the hospital, such as OR and ICU. If the third and last generator had failed, you would have heard about it in the news.

Turkey , Thai and Armenian

On Thanksgiving, the patients got fed teriyaki chicken. The day after Thanksgiving and tonight, the patients got turkey. It was the same interpretive version of turkey that the employees ate on Thanksgiving. I wonder if the patients think it's strange that they didn't get turkey until Thanksgiving was over and if it has occurred to them that they're eating our left-overs.


We ordered Thai for dinner tonight and I was asked if I wanted mine mild, medium or spicy. Like an idiot, I said spicy. My lips, tongue and throat are still burning and I'm dreading to see what happens as it works its way down my digestive tract.

Sorry that it's so hard to read, but that is a section of our assessment form. It's where we chart a patient's neurological status, so that if a patient is confused, has slurred speech or unequal pupils, for example, then we know that the patient might have some brain damage. The nurse here, wrote that the patient is Armenian speaking. Maybe I missed school that day, but I never knew that speaking Armenian was a sign of brain damage.

Winter Schminter

These pictures were taken this morning at my house. It's starting to look like Spring already or is it still Summer? The seasons are so confusing here.

Who's Watching The Kids?

Thanks, Sarah.