Wicked

For my Christmas present, in addition to fixing some things around my house, Lindsay took me to see Wicked. That's us in downtown Hollywood, trying to be brave around all of those scary people wandering around. I don't know what those lights are flying around our faces. In real life, they weren't there. Hollywood isn't that far away, but it is an entirely different world.

This is the theater. Outside, a crazy man was yelling at people walking by. He cursed a woman and her baby in front of us. When it was our turn, Lindsay spoke to him politely as we walked as fast as possible. We managed not to get a curse thrown our way. The things one has to put up with around here.

Above, is the ceiling of the Pantages. It was the last shot I took before my camera was confiscated. I wasn't taking pictures of the show, just the inside of the theater while we were waiting for the show to start. I wasn't the only one. All over the theater, I could see the lit viewing screens on cameras and no one was taking their cameras away. I even pointed out the camera of someone sitting a feet away to the person who took my camera and she just turned and walked away. Someone even used a flash a couple of times and someone just came over and asked him not to do that. He got to keep his camera.

I was so angry. If they are going to enforce a rule, they should enforce it against all, not just pick and choose. I tried hard not to let it ruin the show for me, but it did have some effect. The audience was loud, rowdy and laughing. Although, it was a good show, I didn't have as good of a time as everyone else. Sulking is hard work.

Missing A Nail

One of my fingernails came off and I'm so glad. Really, I am. It's the best thing that's happened to me all week. A couple of months ago when I broke my finger, the bottom half of the nail tore away from the flesh. I tried taping it back together, but it didn't take. So, for the past couple of months, I've had to put up with a dangling nail that keeps catching on things and pulling. Finally, enough of the nail grew out that I was finally able to free myself from that annoying thing. It's not a pretty site, but I don't care. I'm free.

The last few days have been bad because my unit is still closed at work and I hate floating. Some of my coworkers are calling in sick everyday because they don't want to float either which has made us even more short-staffed than usual. I'm not sure what management is hoping to accomplish by closing my unit, but it has resulted in some very unhappy, over-worked nurses. It's bad when the best thing that happens to you all week is having your fingernail come off.

The Twilight Zone

My patient needed some medication that we didn't have on the floor, so I went down to pharmacy to get it. It only took a couple of minutes and I went straight into the patient's room with the med. The patient was gone. His bed was neatly made and all of the equipment was gone. Even if something terrible had happened while I was gone, they couldn't have gotten rid of the body and cleaned up so fast.

I walked out of the room and looked around. All of the nurses and other staff were gone too. The lights were dimmed. It was definitely my unit, 8 W, but it had become the Twilight Zone. Then it hit me, 8 W was closed. The bastards closed it on Christmas due to a low census. Until it reopens, I'm in the float pool. That night, they had me working in 8 E, which is the mirror image of 8 W.

I went into 8 W several times that night. Sometimes by accident and other times to grab stuff that 8 E didn't have. When my unit does reopen, much of our equipment and supplies will be gone because everyone will strip it for parts.

I think it's time to drum up some more business. We need to get a list of the local people who belong to our HMO and go break their legs. We wouldn't have to break that many legs, just a half-dozen or so. That should be enough to get administration to reopen orthopedics.

Season's Greetings

From Melissa and all of the dogdeers, Merry Christmas. (Poor Tom Tom.)

Special Dog Treat

MacKenzie was chewing on something. I took a closer look and found this monstrosity in her mouth.

It was time to get the rat shovel. (It's a dedicated shovel just for scooping up dead varmints.) MacKenzie took off running with it. That was her upper jaw treasure and she didn't want to give it up. A chase ensued and finally she dropped it. She cried so pitifully when I scooped it up and took it to the trash can.

The jaw is about three inches in length, the same size as the Cocker's jaw. I quickly examined his mouth and all of his teeth were intact. Just to make sure, I looked in all of the dog's mouths, except for MacKenzie. I'm not going near her for awhile, but from a safe distance, I can see her upper teeth.

I had an awful thought and went outside to check the dog graves, but they were undisturbed.

So, I have three questions:

1. What kind of animal did it come from?

2. How did it get in my yard?

3. And the scariest question of all, where is the rest of it?

The Line Jumper

Lindsay decided to but himself a new set of sheets and wouldn't you know it, he bought exactly what I had already gotten him for Christmas, even in the same dark blue color. I had to return it to Costco, four days before Christmas. I knew it was going to be hell, but the return line took me by surprise. It was out the door. I was tempted to leave, but I figured the line would be even longer after Christmas.

It was cold and windy. I was wearing my warmest jacket, a knit scarf, Uggs knock-offs and still barely survived the long walk to the front door. Waiting outside in that line with the icy wind blowing up my sleeves, I was wondering how people living in colder regions can stand winter.

Did I mention that I'm having major problems with my hips since I got my tutu? I've been having too much fun playing with it. I can still dance without too much pain, but can barely walk when not dancing. When I was looking for a parking place at Costco, my major thought was finding a spot next to a cart. I needed to use the cart as a walker. Standing in line, painfully leaning on the walker in the cold wind, I was not happy.

Finally, the line moved enough that I was inside the store. The heat lamps on the ceiling felt wonderful. Soon I was toasty warm. My hips still hurt, but at least I was warm. Then I became too warm. Sweat was forming. It felt like it was 90 degrees. I was going to die from heat stroke. I couldn't take my jacket off because my t-shirt was dirty and I wasn't wearing a bra. Once again I was miserable.

After waiting what felt like an eternity, I was second in line when an old lady casually walked to the front of the line. She was cutting in. Had she been younger, I would have politely, but firmly told her where the back of the line was. But she was old. I wasn't sure if the line cutting rules apply to old people. She appeared healthy and was walking better than I was, but who knows what hidden disabilities she might have? I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and said nothing.

When it was finally my turn, the employee who helped me had also noticed the old woman cutting in the line. She had also been debating whether to make her go to the end of the line, but didn't have the heart to do it. My guess is that everyone waiting in that line was debating what to do. Everyone must have decided to error on the side of kindness. I am wondering, though, if that woman is just taking advantage of people. Maybe she has figured out that she can line jump and no one will challenge her.

Anyway, Lindsay had better not buy himself anymore stuff. People should know not to buy themselves presents right before Christmas.

Boob-Eez

This isn't quite what I had in mind. I saw an ad for silicone "BooB-Eez" that could be glued on to wear under outfits that can't be worn with a bra. It sounded perfect to wear with my evening gown.

What arrived was a tiny little thing. It was two and a half inches in diameter and about the thickness of a tortilla chip. I'm not very buxom, but this is ridiculous. Only a little girl might benefit from something like that. And guess what, the product information said that it was invented by a nine year old girl.

I guess I could use them as pasties, assuming I can figure out how to attach tassels.

The Red Dress

I've been invited to a black tie event. The Consumer Attorney Association, formerly known as the Trial Lawyers Association, is having some kind of dinner thing. There will be speeches, awards, dinner and dancing.

We will be dancing to the Beach Boys. I don't mean their recordings, I mean the Beach Boys, live. For me, that's like having the Rolling Stones or Beatles play. It will be interesting to see which ones show up.

Of course, I had to buy a dress. I ordered the dress in the photo and it arrived today. Despite the lace-up ties in the back, I can't get it tight enough that the dress doesn't slip down. That's one of the problems with not having a womanly figure. I solved the problem by sewing straps on my dress. I must not be the only one with that problem. In the package, I found two red strings that I assume were included for that purpose.

The dress is so bare on top that I ordered a black chiffon wrap to wear around my shoulders. It came with a red one, but that is too much red for me. I want to take it down a notch.

The dress is also extremely full. It's beautiful, but I don't want to stand out that much, it looks almost like a hoop skirt. The photo doesn't quite capture how full it is. The crinoline needs to be cut off. It will be easy to do, but kind of sad. It would be more fun to wear a huge billowing skirt.

Because of my height, the dress will be the right length only if I wear flats. That is fine with me. I don't like wearing heels or being over six feet tall. Black ballet flats are on their way. So, other than that, the dress is perfect. I just hope that other women dress up too. It would be awful if everyone decided to wear California casual and I'm there looking like princess want-to-be. Maybe I should keep some jeans and a sweater in the car, just in case.

The Mee Too Meme

If Lisa, Dave and Allan can do it, I can too. This is my meme. Bold-faced means that I did it.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris (I don't remember it though)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise(That is not a good thing)
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, and pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

More Stress For The Holidays

All of the doggy patients got squeaky toys for Christmas at the oncology center. They got to choose which toy they wanted. One opportunistic dog grabbed three toys and took off running with them. Kelsey is shy and wouldn't choose any, so I chose one for him.

At the visit, the vet found a large, swollen lymph gland. She did a needle biopsy to see what it is, but didn't get a good specimen. The procedure has to be repeated.

I'm not optimistic. My guess is that the chemo isn't working and that the cancer is growing with a vengeance. It could be treated more aggressively, but I'm not sure I can afford to do that. I've already spent close to eight thousand dollars. At some point, I'm going to have to allow nature to take its course. I hate cancer and worrying about money.

I wish that my employer covered pets in their health insurance policy. If I had kids, the health insurance would be free, but because I was unlucky in child-bearing and had dogs instead, they're not covered by insurance. That sounds like discrimination to me.

A Fallen Ballerina

My tutu arrived and I love it. It does make me feel a little fat, but I refuse to starve myself anymore like I used to when I was ten or fifteen pounds lighter. Unfortunately, the tutu does remind me of how I used to look when I practiced ballet for hours a day.

I'm a little rusty dancing on point, but I decided to try a few spins . I had forgotten just how much toe shoes hurt. Ouch!

What can I say? Toe shoes are slippery and so are my floors. I cracked my chin open and pulled a muscle in my back. I could probably use a couple of stitches, but I don't feel like going to the ER, so I just taped the wound closed. It should be okay. What's one more ballet injury?

Next time, I'm practicing in rubber soled shoes.

Pooch Paper

All of the Christmas presents are wrapped, although little Georgie didn't make matters any easier. I'm not sure if he wanted to be wrapped up for Christmas or what, but he kept plopping down in the middle of the wrapping paper. He's so cute, though, it's hard to get annoyed with him.

The Tutu

I ordered a tutu. Why would a fifty-one year old woman buy a tutu, you ask? Because I don't have one. Isn't that reason enough?

I was looking for a skirt on the Internet and came across tutus by accident. Forget the sensible skirt, I got the frilly tutu instead.

It's long, white and poufy. There were other ones I liked better, but I'm not spending two hundred and fifty dollars for a tutu. That is the going rate for a professional quality tutu.

Yeah, I know. I'm strange, but I have always wanted a tutu. It's not too late to live a childhood dream, even if I only wear it to clean the house.

Honey-Do List

Lindsay's Christmas present, which I ordered on the Internet, arrived. It's a twin size pink and white little girl's comforter set. It's very pretty. I especially like the pink ruffles and tiny, delicate flowers.

There is just one problem, Lindsay has a king size bed. Okay, there are two problems. I ordered a masculine blue, grey and black comforter set. I'm reasonably sure that like most red-blooded American men, he wouldn't be happy with anything frilly and pink in his bedroom, except for me.

The company will pay to have it shipped back to them, but they want to e-mail me a shipping label. That would be fine if I had a working printer, but I don't. I have an idea, though. Lindsay wants to know what I want for Christmas. What I want is for him to fix my stuff. If he fixes my printer, speakers and sprinkler timers, I will get everything I want for Christmas. I just need to get him started fast, before the shipping label arrives.

Pressure In The Bowels

Who knew a fart could cause so much trouble?

The patient had just had his knee replaced a few hours earlier and was still groggy when he announced that he had to go number two. When his nurse brought him a bedpan, he became angry. He was not going to go in a bedpan, he expected to be helped to the bathroom.

She tried to reason with him to no avail, so she got me to add my two cents. I listened sympathetically and explained that no one likes to go in a bedpan, but there was no choice. I gave him all of the reasons why it was too dangerous for us to try and walk him, but he didn't care. His roommate was eating dinner at the time and he was not about to go poop in the same room as his roommate and he expected his roommate to show him the same courtesy.

At one point, he called me sweetheart in a patronizing voice and talked about carrying his buddies across fields in Vietnam and if he could do that, he could certainly walk to the bathroom. Being called sweetheart by someone who is not my sweetheart is one of my buttons. I could feel a flush of anger, but tried not to let it show, although I may have mentioned something about putting him in restraints.

The patient changed tactics and said that he was going to call his wife to come and get him. Good. I knew she would not come get him, they never do, and she might be able to talk some sense into him. I handed him the phone.

I had to leave to attend to another patient and when I came back, his nurse asked for my help getting him back to bed. His wife had not been home, which left him even more upset, so his nurse decided to just walk him to a commode chair by herself. The chair was lower than the bed and she couldn't get him up off the chair. Apparently, he decided it was okay to poop in a commode in the room while his roommate ate.

I wasn't happy, but said nothing. I'm tall and strong, so I lifted him up and swung him back to bed. Once tucked into bed, the patient was contrite. He apologized repeatedly while I told him it was okay. I'm not angry anymore, but I'm wondering what his nurse was thinking. If he had started to fall, she wasn't big enough to catch him. They both would have both gone down and she could have been fired for breaking protocol.

And for all of that trouble, all the patient did was pass some gas. It was a false alarm.

The Neigborhood Junky

This is one of my Iceland poppy plants. They all look like this. Every single flower gets chopped off before it opens.

If these were opium poppies, it would be understandable, but as far as I know, Iceland poppies do not have any psychotropic effects. Or, maybe that's true for humans, but not for other creatures, like rats or birds.

There is other stuff to eat in my yard, like tomatoes, basil, pomegranates, spinach, Swiss chard, bok choy and beet greens. What is it about the poppy flowers? I can't imagine that they taste good. They smell bitter and awful. I think that some creatures are getting high from my garden. I hope it's not the dogs. With all of the dog chemo expenses, I can't afford rehab too.

Random Question Meme

Random Question Meme brazenly stolen from Lisa of http://lisasplaceinspace.blogspot.com.

What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
None. I use body washes. Right now I'm trying to get rid of all of the little bottles that people have given me.

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Yes. It's time to replace it, though. It's getting slimy.

What would you change about your living room?
Cover the wood with one big rug because I can't keep the floor looking clean. Damn wet dog paws.

Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty. Do you have a problem with that?

What is in your fridge?
Apples, lettuce, yogurt, soy milk, kefir, beer, wine, grapes, cheese, limes, flax seed, eggs, watermelon, butter, tomato soup, leftover tamale pie and condiments.

White or wheat bread?
Both.

What is on top of your refrigerator?
Pig ears, chicken jerky treats, lamb and rice jerky, bottle opener (it needs to be near the beer), a 5 pound sack of peanuts (it needs to be near the beer) and photo paper.

Color of shower curtain?
White chiffon with a few little flowers on it.

How many plants are in your home?
Uh, living or dead?

Is your bed made right now?
No. What's the point?

Comet or Soft Scrub?
Comet. I need the big guns.

Is your closet organized?
Sort of. Tops are separated from bottoms.

Can you describe your flashlight?
Yes, it's black. Why, do you need to borrow it?

Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
It depends on what I'm drinking. Water is drunk from a plastic glass, everything else is drunk from out of a glass, or the bottle.

Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No.

If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
Yes, but everything, except for the cars is off the floor. I grew up with the odd rule that nothing can sit on the floor of the garage.

Curtains or blinds?
Both.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
Eight, but that includes the dogs' pillows. I personally need three, one under my head and one on each side of me.

Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
No.

How often do you vacuum?
Every week or two, but it's an exercise in futility.

Standard toothbrush or electric?
Electric.

What color is your toothbrush?
Yellow.

Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
No, but if I did, it would say go away. I don't like strangers coming to the door.

What is in your oven right now?
Baked-on crud.

Is there anything under your bed?
Yes, a violin.

Chore you hate doing the most?
Cleaning the floor.

What retro items are in your home?
Me.

Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
No.

How many mirrors are in your home?
Too many. I'm not as young as I used to be.

What color are your walls?
The kitchen and my bedroom are pale yellow. Everything else is off-white, plus dirt streaks near the bottom.

Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Do lap dogs count?

What does your home smell like right now?
Dog urine. Don't ask. *sigh*

Favorite candle scent?
Clove.

What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Dill, sweet and relish.

Ever been on your roof?
Yes. How else can I get to the tree branches that need pruning?

Do you own a stereo?
Yes, but it's crap.

How many TVs do you have?
2.

How many house phones?
2.

Do you have a housekeeper?
No.

What style do you decorate in?
Japanese, Chinese, Southeast Asian, English (Queen Anne) and contemporary. I describe it as being the home of an English woman who lives in the tropics.

Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Solids with print pillows.

Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes.

In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
That's easy, dogs.

Feeling Better And Looking Worse

I'm feeling much better. The hot flashes are almost gone. I wish I knew what I did to accomplish that, but I made so many changes at once, it's hard to say what did the trick. I'm taking Estrofen, flax seed oil, fish oil and DHEA. I also have Premarin cream from the doctor, which in addition to putting in the private place as prescribed, I spread on my face. It puffs up the skin making fine lines shrink.

Best of all, I'm sleeping fine again. If sleeping were an Olympic sport, I could once again be in medal contention. The mental fog has lifted and I'm now back to my baseline level of ditziness.

Then, I got my hair trimmed and I'm feeling cruddy again. The stylist mentioned that I need to color my hair. It's almost white. Then she said that I have lost lots of hair. Great. I knew that it was thinning a bit in back, but didn't know it was obvious to others. Eventually, I'll have to pull some hair back and clip it in back to cover the balding spot just like my mom and grandma.

I'm feeling so depressed that I'm sitting here wearing a waist length hair extension. It looks great from the back, but then I look at my aging face and see one of those pathetic old women who cling desperately to their youth to the point of looking ridiculous. The hair piece has to come off.

Tomorrow, I'll put a nice blonde tint on my hair and try to feel better. This is why I hate getting my hair cut.