Good Bye, For Now

Today is the big day. I'll be gone on vacation until the middle of May. I hope the pilot got a good night's sleep, isn't drunk and didn't get into a fight with his wife. Isn't it amazing the things that I can think of to worry about?

Yesterday I took Murphy for another walk through Placerita Canyon. The hillsides were covered with wildflowers. Murph had to put up with me stopping every few feet to take pictures. Murph doesn't have the same appreciation for flowers that I do.





This is the beginning of the walk where Murph is saying, hurry up! What are you waiting for?





At the end of the walk, there was a coiled up snake on the trail. It was cream colored, had a diamond shaped head and a brilliant scarlet serpent's tongue, but no rattles. I didn't see it until Murph had already passed it. He either didn't notice it or didn't care. Either way I'm glad. There will be no more dog walks there until winter.

On the way home, I stopped at In & Out Burger. Murph got a double, double with cheese and the other boys and I got regular hamburgers. When we got home, we all ate lunch together. It took some coaxing, but once Murph realized there was meat in it, it was gone in about two seconds. He even ate the tomato slices and lettuce. Unbelievable. It didn't occur to me to get fries for the dogs, but it did occur to Murph. He stuck his face in my fries and they disappeared. I only got two.

Next, I loaded up the car with the boy's food and bowls and took the boys to my parent's house. Kelsey and Murph refused to get out of the car when we got there. They normally fly out of the car, but they knew something was up. They will be well taken care of, but I already miss them so much. The house feels so empty and quiet without them. How can people stand to not own pets?

Anyway, it's unlikely that I will post while I'm gone. Please remember to come back and visit around the middle of May. I will miss you all. Take care.

Camera In Jeopardy

If you bought a new camera and were looking for a place to store it, would you choose a sink? How about a working sink with foot pedals that people accidently step on when trying to walk by or reach for things? What if you knew that the reason we got a new camera was because the old one got wet from being stored in the sink?

The sink is where I found the new camera. I put the camera in the cabinet above the sink and the next day when I came to work, the camera was in the sink, again.

Pill Stash

These are my vitamins. I sure hope that I don't get pulled over my Customs. Would they make me wait in jail until the lab results came back proving that these are really vitamins?

Hard To Kill

One of our patients just won't die. It's not for lack of trying on our part, we're doing the best we can, but the patient keeps clinging to life.

What happened is the patient suffered a massive heart attack at home and went into cardiac arrest. His wife didn't know CPR, but she did the best she could. By the time the paramedics arrived, about 10 minutes later, he was dead, but they unfortunately managed to resuscitate him anyway. Going that long without oxygen left him with the IQ of a cabbage.

His wife and the rest of his family agreed that he should be allowed to die. He was taken off the ventilator, but kept breathing through the little hole in his neck. Days went by and his vital signs remained strong. Although his cerebral cortex suffered massive injury, his brain stem was fine. He could live another 10 or 20 years like that.

Something else had to be done to finish him off. At his family's request, we stopped the IV fluids, tube feedings and oxygen. In theory, I'm okay with that. But waiting for him to die of dehydration is not easy. He is still responsive. His eyes open when he's touched. On some level he is not a cabbage, but a human being. In case he is suffering from hunger or thirst, he is on a morphine drip. I hope that we have the dose right. It's stressful waiting for him to die while wondering if we're doing the right thing.

Street View

This is the view of my neighborhood up the street from my house. My house is on the other side of the clump of pine trees near the bottom.

Breast Man

Would you let this man come in your house and give you a free breast exam?

MIAMI (April 20) - A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said. (That once happened to me with a real gynecologist.)
The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff's Office and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman's apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.

The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.

"He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement. At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.
Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

A Piece Of String

My favorite camisole is worn out and I haven't been able to find a replacement. The straps will no longer stay on my shoulders and they can't be tightened anymore. I solved the problem by tying some string between the straps. It's not pretty, but it works and no one is going to see it.

The problem is the source of the string. It was left over from tying up dead bodies. There is always extra string in the body bag packages, so I take it home with me. There's no point in throwing out perfectly good string.

My problem is that I have to get on a plane in a few days and I'm wondering if it is bad Karma to wear death ties. I'm not superstitious, normally, but I'm nervous about flying. Although, it's not flying that bothers me, it's my fear of crashing or being trapped on a doomed plane.

Is it better to wear an uncomfortable bra on a long flight and play it safe or should I wear my comfortable death tie camisole and risk dooming the plane?

Someone To Love

A Blood Clot And Two Lunatics

A central line was inserted in a patient earlier in the day, but it was on our shift that all Hell broke loose. Blood was pouring from the insertion site. Pulling off the dressing to try and find the problem and stop the bleeding, I found this thing lying on the patient's skin. It's a blood clot.

I had fun playing with it; it was like a piece of raw liver. (What. You don't like to play with raw liver?) The patient is fine now. It was just one of those things.

Last night near the end of my shift, one of my patients morphed into a raving lunatic. Unfortunately, she was in a room with three other patients. She watched them intently and whenever anyone fell asleep, she screamed, "Wake up. If you go to sleep they will kill you." That went on until 4:30 am, until the meds finally took effect. I had some very sleepy and cranky patients today.

Another patient nearly drove me insane with his OCD. The head of his bed was a few inches from the wall. He wanted it to touch the wall. I unlocked the brakes and moved it. Next, he needed the bed to be square with the walls. I made some adjustments, but they weren't perfect. After a half dozen more tries, he was satisfied that the bed was parallel to the window wall. While locking the brakes, I accidently knocked the bed out of alignment. We had to start over with the alignment process.

Once the bed was perfect, the TV had to be adjusted just so, then it was the IV pole's turn. By this time I had had enough. There was no way I was going to spend my shift moving objects fractions of an inch around the room. I knew the solution to my problem, morphine, and lots of it.

Looking at his medication orders, I knew that they wouldn't nearly do the trick. I called the doctor and got his morphine increased three fold. I went into his room with his dose and he refused to take it. His knee was replaced a few hours earlier, he was in pain, but he was more interested in impressing me with what a tough he-man he was than in getting pain relief. Stupid man! I tried to sweet talk him and explain why he would recover quickly if his pain was better managed, but he decided that he would rather suffer than take the damn morphine so that I he could get some rest. ( Don't people know that morphine is as much for the nurse's benefit as the patient's?)

Odiferous Orange Onslaught

When I walk outside these days, I'm hit by a wall of perfume. The fragrance of orange blossoms is so incredibly delicious. I love Spring.

Several years ago I planted a wisteria. It's blooming for the first time. I wonder if it overheard my conversations where I was debating taking it out.

A quince tree came with my house. The tree and flowers are pretty, but I don't care much for the fruit. The critters leave it alone as well. What does that tell you about Quince?

These are pear blossoms. The pears taste like raw potatoes. Critters leave them alone too, including me.

My favorite fruit, that I'm able to grow, are figs. It's the only fruit I know of that doesn't produce flowers, so although I have a bunch of tiny figs growing, there are no accompanying flower pictures. The birds will get most, if not all of my figs. They know what tastes good too.

A Safer Work Place

Management has said that if we are injured on the job, we will be disciplined. I am not making this up. This is not a joke. Their reasoning is that if we are injured, then it must be because we didn't follow the safety protocol. Not following protocol is grounds for discipline.

The most recent nurse who was injured slipped in some urine, fell and suffered a concussion. (Who knew pee was so dangerous?) The nurse before that got her fingers caught in a door during a code blue. (People do nothing but rush, rush, rush during codes.) Before that a tiny nurse was walking a big patient who fell. They both landed on the floor and were injured. (She should have known to step out of the way, she was later told.)

The nerve of these nurses to injure themselves. Forget disciplining them, they should be criminally prosecuted. The only way these kind of injuries are going to stop is to make an example of people. On second thought, that's not enough. The three strikes law should apply to people injured on the job. Or, better yet, how about public hangings? That should get nurses attention to make them stop injuring themselves. Something, anything, no matter how stupid, must be done about this problem.

Happy Dog

Murphy is on steroids and doing very well. The bloody sneezing fits have stopped for now. This isn't a cure, but I'm glad that Murphy is more comfortable now. He loves his daily walks.

A Cactus Perhaps?

While walking through her neighborhood, my mother came across a man digging little plants out of his yard and discarding them. He told her they were palm trees.

One of those palm trees is now in my house. The more I look at it, though, the more I'm starting to think that it's not a palm tree. What does it look like to you?

Female Vasectomy

I found this little nugget in one of the patient charts. Anyone see a problem here?

Money Drop

I woke up this morning to the door bell ringing. The first thing I thought was that it might be my money being delivered, but remembered that today was Tuesday and Wednesday is the big day. But still, it was strange that someone rang the door bell, that almost never happens.

I climbed out of bed and went to the front of the house to peek out a window and the UPS truck was outside. I threw on a robe and ran downstairs, opened the door and he was gone. On the ground was an envelope.

Inside was a bunch of pretty money with metallic shiny things worked into the design. I'm happy to have it, but still, they left a thousand dollars worth of cash lying on the ground next to my front door. Are they out of their minds?

Too Pretty?

A nice old lady told me that I'm too pretty to be a nurse. She wasn't wearing her glasses and given her age, she probably just had a fuzzy image of what I look like, but it got me wondering. Is it possible for a woman to be too pretty for certain occupations? If a woman is drop-dead gorgeous (I'm not, by the way), is she expected to be a model, actress or trophy wife?

The IRS Audit

Dennis arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported income. How do you explain that?"

Dennis replied, "I love to gamble and I always win."

The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.

"I can prove it," said Dennis. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Dennis said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"

Dennis removed his glass eye and bit it.The official's jaw dropped.

Dennis said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The official could tell Dennis wasn't blind, so he took the bet.

Dennis then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!

"Want to go double or nothing?" Dennis asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that waste basket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!

Dennis climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much got pee all over the desk.The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Dennis's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The man replied, "Not really. Yesterday Dennis bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

Happy tax day!

Poop Waiver

We have another motorcycle accident patient. This one broke his back. Until a special brace can be made for him, he's on strict bedrest. That was fine until this evening when he needed to poop. Few people enjoy pooping in a bedpan, but he adamantly refused. So, despite the risk to his back, he got up and walked to the bathroom.

That got me thinking. Maybe there should be a law that when a person buys a motorcycle they have to sign a waiver stating that they understand that should they get in an accident and not die right away, that they will need to poop in a bedpan while recovering in the hospital. (Can you tell that I have a thing about motorcycles?)

Scared Of Bears

The patient was upset about the bears. When someone truly believes that there is a bear in the hospital, there's nothing that anyone can say or do to convince him otherwise. The nurses can take turns telling him that we don't have bears in the hospital, you can call his wife and ask her to tell him and his children can visit and also tell him that they don't see any bears hanging around, but he will still insist and be angry about the bear.

While opening an ice pack, I hit it a little too hard and it exploded with a loud boom. The scared of bears patient began screaming and cursing. I was tempted to yell, "I shot the bear", but decided against it. I wonder, though, if the night would have gone more smoothly if I had told him that there was a bear, I shot it and now the bear is dead.

I think that he's going through DT's. He claims to have stopped drinking last year, but I think that it was more like three days ago. Given the time of onset, distinct body odor, perfuse sweating, anxiety, body tremors and hallucinations, it doesn't sound like a reaction to morphine, but a lack of alcohol in his blood stream. His surgery was elective. I wonder what he thought would happen when he was cut off from the booze?

Bloodastrophy And A Code

A nurse from the previous shift was dripping in blood when I arrived at work. In her own words, she had just had a bloodastrophy. What happened was that she started infusing a unit of blood, but the blood refused to go into the tubing. Trying to fix the problem, she was standing under the bag when the tubing suddenly came out of the bag. The result was a blood shower and a wasted unit of blood. At least the blood had been tested for known diseases.

During dinner, one of our patients started choking and suddenly went into full cardiac arrest. I was eating my dinner at the time when the door to the break room flew open and a coworker said code blue. As the intercom started announcing the code, I was already running, but not entirely sure where to. I saw two people running with the crash cart and as usual, the equipment was falling off the cart onto the floor. Stopping to pick up the equipment delayed their progress. I kept yelling, "which room?", but no one was answering. Everyone's eyes were glazed over with fear. Finally, I got an answer and ran into the room and started setting up. The code team was there within seconds and after a couple of IV pushes, her heart started. She's now in ICU on a vent. It's thought that the choking episode triggered a stroke.

It's amazing how a person can come through major surgery fine, eat dinner and then nearly die.

Mysterious Pajama Man

While walking Murphy this morning, I saw a man come out of a house in his pajamas and crawl on top of a car parked out in front. He slid through the sun roof into the car and a few seconds later the car alarm went off. Figuring it was unlikely that the car was being stolen, I just kept walking, but I am curious. What was that all about?

Easter Blondes

Three (natural) blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Nooooooooo!" and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooooo! and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So,tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder."

St. Peter said, "Veeerrrrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter."

Totally Tubular Lunch

This was yesterday's lunch. Once it was all on the plate, I just had to laugh. I don't want to think about what it looks like.

Today's Accomplishments

Things I did today:

1. Bought euros over the phone. A thousand dollars worth will be delivered to my house next week. I'm a little unsure about the wisdom in that. I hope that Bob's Euro Exchange is a reliable business. They're ad in the Penny Saver looked good. (Just kidding. I used Auto Club.)

2. Started packing my suitcase. I put in only one pair of sweats and pajamas and it's already half-full. This is so not good. How can I pack for a 2 week cold weather vacation with only one small suitcase and carry-on? I may need to re-think this. Luggage must be on sale somewhere.

3. Kelsey and Tommy got their vaccinations. The vet also gave me some steroids for Murphy. He doesn't know if they will help with his breathing, but it's worth a try.

4. Made two dozen burritos. I froze them and will now have something to eat when I haven't had to time to shop or cook. Because I use brown rice and whole wheat tortillas, I can pretend that they're good for me. We won't talk about the can of chili that also went in them. (Murphy ran off with the can and licked it clean.)

Things I didn't do today:

1. Bathe.

2. Comb my hair.

3. Do laundry.

4. Vacuum, dust, mop, clean the kitchen or bathrooms.

5. Wash my car.

6. Walk the dogs.

7. Work in the yard.

8. Read anything that wasn't on a computer screen.

9. Nap.

10. Exercise.

Where did the day go?

Garden Luck

A few years back, I planted a purple robe robinia tree in my front yard. It produces grape-like clusters of purple-pink flowers. It died.

A few feet away, some of the root stock grew into another tree. After several years of waiting, it finally bloomed. It has beautiful white flowers. I like this even better than the original tree. Sometimes when things seem to go wrong, you're actually lucky.

First Wife's Revenge

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.

"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

Rotting To Death

Everyone who visits our floor, says the same thing. "What's that smell?" It smells like there is a putrifying dead carcass lying in the hot sun and there's not a thing that we can do about it. Our patient with gangrene is slowly rotting to death. Both of his legs are now completely black like a burnt pot roast. We keep his door closed, our door to the balcony open and we're wearing masks with tea bags inside, but the odor is still strong enough to trigger dry heaves in susceptible people.

To help deal with the stress, people have started making jokes. One nurse said to be careful handling his legs because they might fall off. (She may have been serious.) Another nurse said that the smell makes her hungry because it reminds her of her home country with dead animals lying in the road and rats rotting inside the walls.

Some painters closed the balcony door because they wanted to paint and didn't want the paint fumes to come inside the hospital. We insisted that the door stay open and yelled out to them that we love the smell of paint. We're so desperate that even paint fumes are welcome.

If a pet was allowed to suffer like this, the owner could be criminally prosecuted for animal abuse. Because this is a human, we are required to let him die a slow, natural, agonizing death. Although we are keeping him medicated, this is way beyond the help of narcotics. The moaning and groaning is also wearing us down. I hope his suffering ends soon. No one deserves to die like this.

At the beginning of the shift, I noticed that a substantial amount of morphine in his pump was unaccounted for. I doubt that the previous nurse stole it, I'm sure that she bolused him with the morphine and them erased the memory in the pump. Her heart is pure and I will not say anything. How can you fault someone who can't bare to see someone suffer and so risks her job and license to try and make a patient a little more comfortable?

Tall Tagalog Tale

A patient and her daughter complained to management about two nurses who came into her room and spoke in "their own language". The daughter overheard the exchange on the phone, the patient witnessed it first hand. There's just one problem, one of the nurses was me.

I can't imagine anyone accusing me of speaking Tagalog. I wish that I did speak it, I would fit in better if I did, but for me, it's English or nothing.

I do wish that I could understand why the accusation was made. The patient was drugged, so her I can excuse, but the patient's daughter, who is an RN, was presumably sober. At least we all got a good laugh over it.

Mechanically Challenged

One of our patients went without oxygen for some time because the respiratory therapist forgot to hook the patient back up to oxygen after a treatment. That didn't surprise me; there's nothing unusual about that. What I can't understand is why my coworker took so long to figure out why the patient was blue. She even tried flushing the oxygen tubing (don't ask). Finally, in a flash of brilliance, she noticed that the oxygen wasn't connected.


A few of our IV poles have electrical outlets attached to them which is the greatest idea. In an old hospital like ours, there are never enough outlets. Who knew back when the hospital was built that someday we would have all of this equipment and that all of it would have to be plugged in? The existing four plugs per bed is a joke.

So, although the electrical outlet strip is a great idea, I've noticed one problem. My coworkers keep plugging the strip's electrical cord into its own outlets. With nothing plugged into the wall, none of the equipment works or the re-chargeable batteries die quickly. If nothing is plugged into the wall, where do they think the power is coming from? Sometimes I wonder about my coworkers.

Baby Girl And The Wrong Diagnosis

The patient had a conventional name, such as "Jane Smith." She did have an unusual alias, though. It was Baby Girl. If she were a newborn, I could understand this, but she's an adult. I'm not sure if our records are mistaken or if she's really known as "Baby Girl Smith."

______________________________

With some patients, you can take one look at them and know that if they don't develop a pressure ulcer, it will be a miracle. But with this patient, he had almost no risk factors for pressure ulcers. He was ambulatory and he got up every few hours to walk. He was in good health, his skin had normal elasticity, he wasn't especially old and he was here only for elective orthopedic surgery. Now, about half of his buttocks are gone. They've been eaten away down to the bone. What happened?

It started out as massive blisters across his buttocks that caused his skin to fall off. A wound care specialist was brought in and after ranting and raving about this hospital acquired pressure ulcer, she decided that he also had a yeast or bacterial infection in the wound and so gave us an order for dressing changes that involved anti-fungal creams and topical antibiotics.

That turned out to be a major mistake. Over the weekend, black necrotic tissue formed across the buttocks. It was the weekend, there was no access to "experts", so the problem had to wait until Monday. On Monday, a doctor removed the dead tissue and took with it about half of the buttocks muscle tissue.

A dermatologist was also brought in and he said that it wasn't a pressure wound, a fungal infection or a bacterial infection. It was herpes. We're now treating him for herpes, but the missed diagnosis and delay in treatment cost the patient his butt.

Of course, everyone is upset and looking for someone to blame. The people higher up the food chain are, naturally, blaming the nurses. The nurses are pointing their fingers at each other. I'm not saying that anyone committed malpractice, but the missed diagnosis by the "expert", in my humble opinion, is the real cause here.

Anyway, work is stressful and ugly now with the investigation in progress. I'll be glad when this is over, but it won't be any time soon.

Dog Love Between Males

When people first learn that I have three boy dogs, one of the first questions that I'm asked is how they get along. The answer is that they get along very well. Do other people have a problem with male dogs fighting?

Dog Riddle

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?


1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. (how true)!

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!



Thanks, Sarah.

Fountain Dog

Tommy just loves to lounge in the fountain... as long as there isn't any water in it.

Cat and Mouse

Cats and Mouses really do get along.

Another Dog Walk

Today, the boys and I went to Placerita Canyon. I only wanted to take the Murph, but the other boys looked so sad that I had to take them too. It's not easy walking three dogs.

I wanted to take the trail to the waterfalls, but Murphy couldn't get up the stairs, so we took the river walk instead. I'll have to go back some time and get photos of the falls. It's unbelievably gorgeous.

It always amazes me that this is not only Los Angeles, but just a few minutes from my house.
This is ceanothsus below. It's also known as California lilac. It sort of looks like lilac, but without the fragrance.
This is Murphy Dear looking happy. He had a little sneezing fit during the walk and got a nose bleed. Murph doesn't pay any attention to people or dogs that we pass on the trail, but he also doesn't get out of the way. He walked past another hiker and left a streak of blood on his pants. The hiker didn't notice and I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to do.
The grass is so bright green that I can't imagine that Ireland is any greener.
All three boys love the water. It seems fitting that Goldens should drink gold- flecked water.
Tongues are hanging out in the longest position.

Dirt, Gasoline and Saw Dust Therapy

This was this evening's haul, a 7 pound dark chocolate cake and See's chocolates. This is also what I had for dinner tonight. It could be a coincidence, but this might be a factor in why I feel so sick right now.
_______________________________

The patient has pressure ulcers on his bottom which requires a fairly complicated dressing change. He was not happy about our choice of ointments and dressing materials. He wanted me to apply dirt, gasoline and sawdust to his butt. I must have looked shocked, so he explained. Years ago, he had a chain saw injury and instead of going to the hospital, he mixed together dirt, gasoline and saw dust and packed his wound with it. The bleeding stopped and the wound healed nicely.

I'm not sure if he discovered a miracle cure or if he's a lunatic. Too bad that I couldn't do what he wanted, but I would prefer to keep my job.

_______________________________

Another unusual patient said that she was allergic to bananas, spinach and peas. Usually, people with allergies have reactions like swelling or rashes. Her reaction, so she said, was A fib (atrial fibrillation). I can't figure out how she came to this conclusion. A fib can't be felt. The only way she could know this would be if she had an EKG at home and checked her heart rhythm after eating various foods. I seriously doubt that she has done this.

Her chart said that she has A fib due to damage to her heart from open heart surgery. She can probably eat all of the bananas, spinach and peas that she wants, but when beliefs conflict with science, beliefs sometimes win.

______________________________

Another delightful patient had gangrene. Once that smell gets in my nose, it takes a long time to get rid of it. The air is filled with the scent of orange blossoms now, but when I came out of work, all I could smell was gangrene. That's still what I smell. I'm going to have to snort some water tonight to try and wash my sinuses.

Monkey Love

Everyone should be allowed to have a pet.

Patient's Dilemma

(Not withstanding HIPPA privacy laws, this is still funny.)

A woman called a local hospital.

"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Room 302? Yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief!? Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302. Nobody here tells me anything."

(Thanks, Dave.)

What Happened?

Someone sent me this photo. I think that it is of a sculpture that someone thought would look nice in their living room, but I can't explain the chair under the sculpture. Can anyone else explain this photo?

Learning 10 Things

I had to go to work early today for an all day class. *Yawn* It wasn't a complete waste, though, I learned the following things:

1. Working until 11:30 at night and getting back to work at 8 am the next day, during rush hour, is not fun.

2. Working two days in a row without bathing in between doesn't make me stink nearly as bad as I expected.

3. Young nurses tend to wear silver jewelry and old nurses wear gold. (I wear gold.)

4. Lettuce, tomato and pickle sandwiches with diet sodas was our lunch. (Did someone forget the cheese and meat?)

5. American nurses wear flats and Asian nurses tend to wear high heels.

6. When nurses get together, they just have to talk about pee, poop and gangrene.

7. The sandwiches, although odd, weren't bad. Too bad that we couldn't have two. ( I was hungry.)

8. On TV, my employer shows vending machines filled with nothing but apples. Ours are filled with candy, cookies and chips.

9. Working during the day on Thursday allows me to watch Survivor.

10. See #1.

Kilt Surprise

Ever wonder what Scotsmen wear under their kilts?